OnMyOwnTwoFeet, thank you for kindly acknowledging my experience and feelings. I didn't think your words came from any desire to wound me. I know you are going through a painful time, excruciating more like, and having vented a good deal myself, I understand that no harm was meant.

Leah, I don't really want to engage in theological debate because I doubt either of us would feel any better for it or convince the other of our position. I understand your perspective and have close friends who feel the same, but I just don't share it. That doesn't mean I think your view is invalid but I like to think I'm allowed to disagree and have my feelings respected too. That's where I was coming from. You have said as much so I certainly appreciate that and that you didn't intend to cause me pain either. I just needed to express my feelings and perspective as well. For me, faith has been comforting. For you it's painful. And we're all left trying to make sense of this experience the best that we can. In our own ways.

However we get there, I only hope there's some peace and happiness in the end. And before the end, honestly, because I have life left to live and I want as much of it to be good as possible.