Leah wrote:

Being a single, childless Mormon woman is to be a second class citizen for sure in that culture.

Being a single, childless Mormon woman who doesn't feel this way, I found this remark stinging and dismissive of my experience. I doubt highly that was the intent but it was painful to read. I have been single for as long as many others have been married. It's not everyone's experience or viewpoint but it's my reality and I will likely be single for the rest of my life.

It's hard to read that somehow my being single is an experience not as painful or 'less than' a gay person's who chooses celibacy too. It's an incredibly common assumption, but I think we're more diverse than that and I think it's a convenient comparison that makes light of one or the other and is fair to neither. So, yes, for myself, my hope rests in a God who will make it right in the end for everyone according to their individual circumstances. Including the people who hurt me. It gives me some of the only peace I've been able to find in the last year or so.

I'm sorry Whirligig, I don't intend to offend or upset you.  We all have enough to be dealing with.  I'm an angry ex-Mormon.  I drank it all in and followed the rules, tried so hard to be 'good' only to end up feeling it was never enough.    For me Mormonism is a toxic mix of things that did not inspire or uplift my life, but triggered perfectionism and comparison in me.  I suspect I'm not alone in this.  Depression is rampant in Utah with the highest level of prozac use in the USA.  Anger at the self for not achieving all that 'God' wants for me....is what I felt which led to depression and lack of self esteem.  And my GIDx was able to use this to his advantage by turning any problems always to my lack or faults, so it was made all the more toxic in my life. 
  
And Mormon doctrine is pretty damning towards those who don't take on the commonly celebrated (I would say fetishised -as in taken to an almost ridiculous extreme) role of wife and mother - it holds you back from the highest levels of heaven - pretty second class treatment I'd say.  I'm sorry if that offends, but my comment was about a doctrinal point as I understood it.  I've been out 20 years now, but in conversation with a friend she told me of recent changes to the temple ceremony that altered this sorry state of affairs.  So I suppose that is welcome progress.  

Men write the doctrine.  Not women.  And being single should not be a 'lesser' option that inhibits your progress in any way.   I'm glad you don't feel it does for you in your participation as a Mormon woman.  For me it does, men sit behind the pulpit with the only woman usually being an organist and chorister or speaker.  No female leaders.   I'd like to see that change. 
 
I asked my brother if I could attend priesthood mtg a few weeks ago and have a chat about women's place in the leadership - "uh no.  I don't think so" he said, and we laughed.   Until women are equal to men in all aspects of the religious observance, we are second class citizens with no right to vote or fully participate.  I'd love to see all the women refuse to sustain a prophet or leader just once.  Why do women accept that status quo?  Is it God's will that women cannot be priestesses?  

You might notice I'm a teeny tiny bit annoyed at the church generally.   I wish you well.  I loved much about my life in the church, but am also glad not to be a part of it anymore. 

 

Last edited by Leah (August 22, 2019 2:42 pm)

However we get there, I only hope there's some peace and happiness in the end. And before the end, honestly, because I have life left to live and I want as much of it to be good as possible.  

Love this Whirligig!  And trying to make sense of our lives is tough.  I'm aware that some of my anger is misdirected and I have family and friends who find comfort in their faith, so here's to our pursuit of the good and happy for our future!  We can focus on that!