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1 of 1- a_dads_straight_journey
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They gave themselves permission...
A great post on Chump Lady today on moving on and how to stop wondering why or trying to untangle the skein.
Whether they cheated or not, whether they are still in denial, whether they are transitioning to a gender you didn’t sign up for, or they are just coming out after tying us up for years, the reason they did or can do it is because they gave themselves permission to without thinking about how it affects anyone else.
I will find this idea very helpful in staying in the ‘Meh’ state as I interact with the ex in co-parenting.
ADSJ
Last edited by a_dads_straight_journey (August 12, 2019 10:10 am)
- Blue Bear
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Re: They gave themselves permission...
I also thought the Chump Lady's post this morning was great. Her book (excellent...please buy yourself a copy today if you haven't read it) focuses more on "straight" infidelity, but much of the content is applicable to our situations because it deals with the benefits of breaking away from highly damaged and dishonest people.
Asking your cheater or cheating LGBTQ spouse "why?" this happened is a pointless exercise Building upon the content in the Chump Lady's book on this topic, we just need to accept that they cheated because they suck, they felt entitled, gave themselves permission, are pathologically dishonest, did not love us the way we loved them, are disordered, did not care about how their actions would affect us or our kids, and have crappy characters.
Accept it, and move on in your life. You will not receive a logical answer to "why?" from an illogical person.
Last edited by Blue Bear (August 12, 2019 12:34 pm)
- MJM017
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Re: They gave themselves permission...
High five to Chump Lady, ASDJ & BB! This is the time to believe in your heart it’s not me, sorry, but it’s you. Meh also equals IDGAF.
When I let go and disengaged (got tough) a curious thing happened. They imploded — their life went south fast.
This may be helpful to those with kids who have to deal with disordered exes— do parallel parenting:
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Upside
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Re: They gave themselves permission...
Blue Bear wrote:
Asking your cheater or cheating LGBTQ spouse "why?" this happened is a pointless exercise Building upon the content in the Chump Lady's book on this topic, we just need to accept that they cheated because they suck, they felt entitled, gave themselves permission, are pathologically dishonest, did not love us the way we loved them, are disordered, did not care about how their actions would affect us or our kids, and have crappy characters.
Accept it, and move on in your life. You will not receive a logical answer to "why?" from an illogical person.
I needed this today. Thank you.