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1 of 1- ByHisWounds
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Year of firsts
Nine months into the divorce process and encountering lots of first holidays.
Any suggestions on how to or how not to celebrate my first birthday alone?
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
- walkbymyself
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Re: Year of firsts
It's all so hard, I know. If you can, it's helpful to begin new traditions instead of trying to re-create old ones.
I know this sounds trite, but when you're at your most helpless point, it can be distracting if you find a way to help someone else.
Relinquere fraudator, vitam lucrari.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Year of firsts
For my first birthday after we separated (about nine months after I'd moved out, and the month before our final divorce hearing), I made sure that I had a lot of social events with friends planned (I live a thousand miles away from any family except my son, who lives in town), so that I would not have an opportunity to feel lonely or sorry for myself. On the day itself, I had dinner out with my adult son at a restaurant; I paid for dinner, he paid for a good bottle of wine and left the tip.
I would say, do some things that are things you love to do--go outside and walk or bike or run (or whatever you like), take in a movie or go to a concert--and do some of them with friends and family. And if doing for others lights you up inside, as walkby says, do that.
You've already been through some firsts, so you know how you might react, how sadness or anger or regret might sneak up on you, how you might beat yourself up for some perceived fault in yourself, so you know that you can "talk back" to those feelings.
- Whirligig
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Re: Year of firsts
Lifelong single here so I have lots of practice with this. Pick and choose as applies.
1.Manicure, pedicure, massage day
2.Take a trip (Day, weekend, whatever)
3.Buy yourself a fun splurge gift or more than one. Doesn't have to be expensive although that's okay too. Just something special.(Nice yarn if you knit, perfume, a book). Wrap it nicely. Don't cheat and open before.
4.Order something online timed to arrive around your birthday. Bonus if you forget about it and it's a surprise!
5. Visits with friends or family. Phone calls with loved ones you don't see a lot. Any of these can be done by yourself or with company mostly.
6. Shopping trip for a nice outfit.
7. Take a class on something you want to learn.
8. Concerts, theatre, or a movie out. Get the popcorn!
9. If you stay in, plan it out like a date with yourself. A nice meal, entertainment, music you like, comfortable clothes, pets, hobbies, bubble bath.
10. Something, anything, that makes you happy. You deserve it.
- lily
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Re: Year of firsts
not saying this is a good idea but I went to ground that first year. I have birthday, Christmas and New Year all lined in a row and I got plenty of food in and just stayed home for the entire run. Damn I hurt too much to go anywhere. I ended up quite enjoying it and liked the phone calls and emails I got. but I didn't make any calls or go out at all.
- Upside
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Re: Year of firsts
Whirligig wrote:
Lifelong single here so I have lots of practice with this. Pick and choose as applies.
1.Manicure, pedicure, massage day
2.Take a trip (Day, weekend, whatever)
3.Buy yourself a fun splurge gift or more than one. Doesn't have to be expensive although that's okay too. Just something special.(Nice yarn if you knit, perfume, a book). Wrap it nicely. Don't cheat and open before.
4.Order something online timed to arrive around your birthday. Bonus if you forget about it and it's a surprise!
5. Visits with friends or family. Phone calls with loved ones you don't see a lot. Any of these can be done by yourself or with company mostly.
6. Shopping trip for a nice outfit.
7. Take a class on something you want to learn.
8. Concerts, theatre, or a movie out. Get the popcorn!
9. If you stay in, plan it out like a date with yourself. A nice meal, entertainment, music you like, comfortable clothes, pets, hobbies, bubble bath.
10. Something, anything, that makes you happy. You deserve it.
This is a nice list! Saving for the future. Thank you.
- ByHisWounds
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Re: Year of firsts
Thank you; a great list.
It’s just me this Thanksgiving and I was reflecting on how I’d like to spend it.
I might do a day trip and go Hiking
“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”
- •
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