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October 9, 2018 5:40 pm  #281

Re: How do I survive this?

    Ask yourself why it is that to him "being a woman" is all about sex.  It has nothing to do with wanting to "be a woman."  It's a sexual paraphilia called autogynephilia, in which a man is sexually attracted to the idea of himself as a woman.  With these types it's never about the real work or reality of being a woman.   That's why you're all tied up in "I'm not a lesbian" and "I could peg him" or "I don't want a strap on."   Because he has defined the ground as a sexual one.  It's got nothing to do with actually existing women.
   I'm here to tell you that this kind of sexual demand, should you go along with it, is going to kill your spirit.  It sure did mine.  And eight months after moving out on my own I am STILL trying to heal from the blow his sexual demands and practices inflicted on me.  Trust me, it's not going to stop at strap ons.  It's going to morph into "I hate male sexuality and so you must not ask me to use my penis, and even though you want that it's a violation of who I am so you have to forego and remake your sexuality to match what I want." 
    Please believe me and others when we say that this only escalates, because it's like an addiction to them.  And what he says today--that he'd like to transition in three years after having children--is not going to be what he says in a month.  Plus, why on earth would you even contemplate bringing a child into a relationship with a person with this disorder!?!?  
    If I may channel Kel, "run like your hair's on fire."   And like Lynne says, no, you shouldn't "support him."  And stop reading whatever you're reading that tells you to ignore your own feelings and all the warning signs.  


October 10, 2018 7:12 am  #282

Re: How do I survive this?

So sorry you find yourself here Elizabeth.

I was in your position a couple of years ago. Believe me there will be more to this and it will escalate. These autogynephiles generally have ermm interesting sexual needs (forced feminisation, humiliation, validation by men - even though they protessssstttt they aren’t gay). They are usually also exhibitionists and if anything like mine will be plastered all over trans dating and porn sites looking for admiration from other trannys. Usually they are fantastic liars too, maybe just dig a little.

You know why he wants strap on play? Because when you’re doing it he will be fantasising that he’s dressed up and that you are a man or a transexual. I promise you that.

How does he even know he likes anal? Well because he does it alone at home with dildos.

But my advice? Get out now.

Last edited by Duped (October 10, 2018 7:28 am)


January 29, 2019 10:15 am  #283

Re: How do I survive this?

A quick update.. 

I'm engaged.   It actually happened on Jan 1st, but we decided to share it only with the kids and give them some time to adjust to the news.  Her kids had a really rough time with her divorce and our new relationship will impact them a lot, so we put them first and gave them time to consider the news.  It was a little hard at first for both of them, but now they have come around and seem excited, so we are finally sharing the news with our friends and family. 

We are getting married this summer. 

Again, I know that reading this type of news isn't fun for people who are in a tough place.  I remember it well.. I hated seeing happy family news from others.   So i won't speak much about it, except to remind people that there is a chance to be happy again in the future. 

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

     Thread Starter

January 29, 2019 11:04 am  #284

Re: How do I survive this?

Phoenix, I’m so happy for you!! Congratulations! This is amazing.

When I saw your post today, I first read your very first post from August of 2016. It was like I wrote it word by word. I cried reading it. I’ve been here on the forum for the past 3 months but I’d never read your thread. I’d just seen your amazing support to me and others.

Now reading your post from today, gave me so much hope and my heart is so happy for you. This made my day brighter. I’m in my darkest days right now. Going to my own GH for emotional support, feeling that I’ll never find someone who can truly love me. I’m scared of life without my husband.

Reading your post from today just gave me that hope. Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the love that you deserve. Congratulations my friend.


January 29, 2019 11:31 am  #285

Re: How do I survive this?


Thank you so much for your kind words.  I'm so happy to hear that you've found some optimism from reading my journal. 

I look forward to reading a similar post from you someday.  I can't wait to hear about the new happiness you will find in the future. 

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

     Thread Starter

January 29, 2019 1:20 pm  #286

Re: How do I survive this?

Huge congratulations Phoenix! I’m so happy for you. I am sure it gives hope to those who are struggling...there is a better life to be had out there, either alone or with someone new.


January 29, 2019 1:42 pm  #287

Re: How do I survive this?

Phoenix, Congratulations! I am so happy you posted such good news. It gives us all hope that there is a good life after TGT. 


January 29, 2019 3:53 pm  #288

Re: How do I survive this?

Congratulations, Phoenix. I appreciated all of your contributions to the board today, but this one is the best--I am so happy that you have found a new relationship to grow in. Best wishes to you!


January 29, 2019 3:57 pm  #289

Re: How do I survive this?

Thank you all so much for the kind words!  

-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

     Thread Starter

January 29, 2019 9:16 pm  #290

Re: How do I survive this?


I thought your post is an excellent counterpoint to the title of the thread. I’m glad you found someone to share your life with.


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