I am a  woman who was divorced from a transgender woman (born male living as female)

I knew they were transgender when we met dated and married and this was not an issue. They claimed to be "pansexual" which is basically bisexual. They told me that because they were raped in the past they were not able to have sex with me. I respected this bc what else can you do when someone says something like that?

We had a deadbedroom for the entire 7 year relationship. Again  - i would initiate and was told that they were attracted to me but due to trauma they could not participate in any sex with me.

We get engaged 2 year engagement and we get married. I discover post marriage that they have many profiles online and are actively engaged in looking for sexual relations with men only. This person had 0 attraction to female biology. There was also a drug problem that was getting all the money.

I find myself 1 year out of the marriage - the divorce was mutual and there was no option for counselling. we were officially divorced less than a year after we married. No children. No assets.

As a woman who is overweight and not conventionally attractive and having a stronger more masculine personality I feel targeted by gay men who are not out of the closet.

My marriage was not the first time a gay man tried to use me for his cover. 

It has been so hard for me to get over the relationship. There were so very many outs given to my ex. he was not forced to marry me. I say he because even though he claimed to be a transwoman he never took the legal or medical steps to live as a woman.Maybe there are some other spouses out there who have had to deal with this selfish nonesense.

I found sex and dating profiles going back to beyond our engagement where he was calling himself a gay male.

Why Why Why in 2018 with all this gay rights propaganda are men still deceiving women and duping them into these false marriages?

He was 30 and i am 34. We are from MA. No religious conservatives and living in one of the most rainbow loving states in the union. 


My ex has ghosted me since we split. His rich father paid for the divorce and he hasnt said a word to me since that day. 

I would like some support on how to pick up the pieces and deal with my own life. How can I  move on knowing all my memories are a sham - the deep hurt of knowing that he stole the milestones of first marriage and first home from me. Knowing that it was all a lie a shifty fabrication.

I feel like my self esteem and my overweight appearance made me a target. "Oh this loser fat girl I can trick her into marrying me..."

We are very over now and I just struggle because I was lied to for 7 years - this has been one of the most devastating blows to my life.

I feel like there were red flags but whenever i brought them up it was always brushed under and denied. Blamed on rape or transsexualism.

Has any other woman gone through this and how did you reclaim your faith in humanity?