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October 9, 2022 9:49 am  #1

7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

I don’t even know how to start this as I still feel in denial due to my world being shattered just 6 days ago.

I have been with my partner for 5 years and within 5 months of being together he had told me he slept with a guy before we started dating which i was okay with as I asked him if he sees himself with a man or a woman for the rest of his life and said he could not see himself being with a man. We then never talked about it again for over 3 years.

Just over a year ago we ended up talking about this adventure again not sure how the subject came up but it did and he gave me all the details and also confirm to me he was bisexual which I accept him as he is it doesn’t change how I love him. I did ask him if he was happy with me and if he thought that one day he would just wake up change his mind and decide no I want a man now and not me. He said no he still could not see himself being with a man that way but that he was happy with me to the most that he could and the little part that was missing well he had options to deal with them (in my mind that was watching gay porn and also me doing accommodations in our sexual life).

Fast forward to this year we finally got pregnant after trying for 6 months and found out in April I was so excited and he looked a bit stress but I assumed it was just a normal reaction for a man. In June he proposed to me and he looked so happy when he did and I had all that I ever wanted in life now. I had my house, cat, dog, the love of my life and a beautiful baby girl on the way.

Well in august he decided to take a trip to another province and when he came back he was a bit distant from me but not enough to cause any alarms in my head cause I have always trusted him and I have never been one to question what he does.

Well I should of I guess cause for the last 2 weeks he was so distant and always on his phone or napping instead of being with me that I started asking for more attention as I’m 7 months pregnant now and need affection and reassurance cause I thought he found me repulsive for getting big since I’m pregnant.

I asked him if he still loved me and he started crying. Everything just came out. He’s been crying for 2 months cause he fell in love with another man and has cheated on me with him in august and can’t believe he is placing me it this shitty situation cause I’ve been nothing but the best girlfriend/fiancée someone could wish for.

All I could think in that moment is how can someone do this to me. He kept repeating that I don’t deserve this as I’m such a good person and that he still loved me but not in love with me but loved me more than a friend. How could you do this to a pregnant woman.

He said he wasn’t happy since the beginning of the year and that I wasn’t the one making him unhappy but the life he was making was not what he wanted and only realized it after I was already pregnant. He started talking to this guy in March and fell in love with him pretty much when I found out I was pregnant. He still proposed and I asked why he would do this and he said he felt pressure but also wanted to try and continue with me ask he still thought he wanted the typical family life everyone has but now he realized this is not it and he felt dead inside cause he was not happy.

Now our situation is super messy and I don’t know if what we are doing is the right thing. I still love him I accept that he is bisexual I do not accept that he cheated but I support him doing his coming out.

I told him that 7 months pregnant I need someone with me I’m in the stage where I need help and emotional support and he said he would be there for me for all of it but just not in the loving fiancé way. Then I asked how can you just leave your child and me on mat leave as I won’t be able to afford this and he offered as long as I was okay with it to stay with me in our house until my mat leave is done but then he would leave the province.

How can someone just leave there baby even if he said he will visit often I know he is not financially well to be able too.

Am I wrong to want him to stay with me so I can afford to live for the next year but I also want my baby to have her father. Am I also wrong to wish deep down when she is born he will change his mind and want to stay with me but then am I the stupid one to take him back. I know that only me being hopeful and wanting him to love me again like he use to but deep down that’s what I want and have a hard time thinking any differently.

Last edited by JP2022 (October 9, 2022 10:08 am)


October 9, 2022 1:44 pm  #2

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

Welcome to the club that none of us wanted to join. There are no provinces where I live but I suspect that in your country the laws will not let him leave on the terms he would like. By marrying you he took on certain obligations to you and by fathering a child he likely will see his income reduced by child support.

Don't make any deals with him but instead look into what resources are available to you. Let your doctor or midwife know what is going on. The person who is with you when you give birth does not have to be your partner or spouse if this person's presence will interfere with your concentration on the birth process. Is there a friend or relative would be a better support person for you?

Your doctor or midwife will have information on what's available to help you with food, clothing and equipment such as a car seat, as well as well-baby check-ups. if you have a family who will be supportive, let them know that you and he are separating.

It isn't fair what he has done but don't expect him to change to become the man you want. For the sake of yourself and your daughter consult an attorney to make sure that he faces up to the legal consequences of his decisions but otherwise let him leave your lives. He will never be able to provide the love both of you deserve and you will be less able to give her your love if you are stewing over him.

Take care of yourself and check in with us often. We've got your back.

Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.

October 9, 2022 3:50 pm  #3

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

I wanted to get back to you right away but in doing so I forgot that you had not married him. If you are not married then you won't need the time and expense of a divorce but you also likely will have no legal claim to support from. The the laws where you live however might require him to pay your maternity-related expenses.

Best to see a lawyer anyway to protect your daughter's future.

Try Gardening. It'll keep you grounded.

October 9, 2022 4:02 pm  #4

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

Thank you for your response Abby.

In my province he would still have to pay me child support. Given that he is willing to help me the first year as he does still want to be in his daughters life I would have to make arrangements for when or if he actually decides to leave after the mat leave is done.

     Thread Starter

October 9, 2022 4:47 pm  #5

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

Hello JP,

Am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I strongly second Abby's wise advice to see an attorney for legal advice about support and parental obligations as a first step.  This is a great step in ensuring she is financially supported and has healthy and loving day-to-day care.

Sorry, but I know this hurts ...  "I love you, but am not in love with you" is said by the person who wants to break up a relationship.   There's no way to force someone to love you. He loves this man he met. Cut your losses. There's no future with this guy. You'll always be wondering if he's with another man each time he leaves the house. This is no way to live. You don't want to teach your daughter that cheating is what you should expect from a spouse.

I would concentrate on continuing a healthy pregnancy. Do you have family and friends nearby to offer emotional support? This is a shocking and stressful thing to go through. Lean on them for help.  Reach out for counseling. Are there any government agencies which can help in your province? Absolutely do not keep this to yourself. It will eat you up inside. That's certainly not good for your unborn daughter.

Please check in as often as you need. Take care of yourself.

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

October 10, 2022 7:57 am  #6

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

J. P., I am also sorry. I found out my ex boyfriend was gay in May of 2020 and it took me a year before I broke up with him. He would not admit it. Everytime he went to his vacation home and I took care of his cats, I always wondered what he was doing.  I had reasons for staying and I am sure that you do too. Please do what is right for you. I am holding a good thought for you.


October 10, 2022 8:47 am  #7

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

I am sorry you find yourself approaching what should be a major life milestone, essentially alone, at least emotionally. As has been said, focus on yourself and your child and build your safety net. After the birth, seek sole custody and decision making authority for your child. Have his contribution to her welfare ordered by the courts. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Don't rely on her father showing any responsibility.

I wish you well and hope that the child arrives safe and healthy.

“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer

October 11, 2022 1:49 am  #8

Re: 7 months pregnant and feel like my world has been ripped away from me.

Sorry you found yourself in this situation.

Regularly it's mentioned that he is Bisexual. No. He is not. He never was.

He also never loved you. He loved how you fit into what, at the time, he thought he wanted in life.

It takes quite a long time to accept it but once you do, you will see with more clarity.

Lots of hugs.


Last edited by Bertuccio (October 11, 2022 1:49 am)


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