I think it's far more possible that depression could be a result of repressed desires, even subconsciously repressed ones. I also don't believe in conversion caused by being unhappy about what someone else does. If you're wondering if you somehow influenced her shift in gender attraction, I don't believe it works that way. Blame transference is a real thing however.

Be well.

Confused,

I can say my GX was on antidepressants the while time our marriage unraveled..she wouldn't tell me why she was on them...then I found all the evidence of her gay affair ..   

So sorry.

Regardless of whether she's depressed, gay, or a green alien I want to warn you that the antidepressants could make her indifferent and cold..  I know because during the divorce I was a wreck and needed to go on them...they helped tremendously yet they curbed my feeling things..I called them my "indifference pills"...my kid could look at me crying and I could empathize but not feel it..could not cry along.    It explains a lot how my GX was able to be so cruel ..

Know that you did nothing wrong but love her..know that your feelings are just and true.

Iamsoconfused wrote:

One thing I am struggling with is wither I have a right to tells those close to me what is going on in my life despite what my wife is dealing with.  I don't want to out her maliciously, Especially since she is just kinda starting to discover herself.  I just feel like telling people on my side what's going on would provide so much more closure and sense to people when I explain the relationship issues happening in my marriage.

I do still love my wife and I don't want to hurt her but I need to look after myself too.

Hi Confused.

I usually don’t post replies to others stories but felt compelled to do so here. You obviously love and respect your wife. That is very evident. You want to keep her confidence & trust. I definitely get that. However, you have a right to tell someone you trust with the things you are struggling with. And it’s obvious this is something your struggling with. Perhaps a pastor or religious leader? Or a friend that is a bit distant from your wife who will keep your confidence? I told a former co worker who I always respected and trusted but one that lives thousands of miles away and who was an isolated friend from any of my other friend groups. If those aren’t options, a counselor is a great one. Your own person counselor. Heck even if you have a friend, it would be helpful to get a counselor.

Either way, if you don’t tell someone, you will implode. For your mental sanity and for your ability to continue to go to work & be productive and most importantly, for your ability to be an engaged  and present father, you need to tell someone! Even for you to be able to be a spouse, you need to tell someone.

If your wife doesn’t understand that, there is another red flag. Especially since she has a community of people she has started to open up to.

I hope and wish you the best!

Just some thoughts going through my head this evening.


I can't be the only one feeling a bit frustrated in the intamacy department.  How are all you spouses handling this?  As much as I love and support my wife it's wearing on me that I can't be physical with her right now.

She basically told me she was okay with me watching porn if it helped me at all.  We both kinda drew the line at seeking out relationships while we are married and we are very much in the beginning stages of figuring this all out.

Just want to know how you all approached this.

Iamsoconfused wrote:

Just some thoughts going through my head this evening.
I can't be the only one feeling a bit frustrated in the intamacy department. How are all you spouses handling this? As much as I love and support my wife it's wearing on me that I can't be physical with her right now.

She basically told me she was okay with me watching porn if it helped me at all. We both kinda drew the line at seeking out relationships while we are married and we are very much in the beginning stages of figuring this all out.

Just want to know how you all approached this.

I would suggest patience. It may be worthwhile to set a deadline for your wife to decide.   It's a tough decision for her since it brings another set of issues for you guys to work on which may change the status quo.

I agree porn is no substitute for intimacy. Be careful not to become addicted to it. Addictions spring up during trying times. I hate the taste of alcohol but surprisingly felt like getting drunk during the worst of the divorce. Have never felt that way before or since.

Perhaps start a regular exercise routine or a new soothing hobby like gardening or work working.  It will calm you, help you get sound sleep and make for clear-headed thinking when needed.


 

Last edited by MJM017 (October 6, 2021 6:18 pm)