Straight Spouse Network Open Forum
This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else. Learn more >>>

DONATE TODAY >>>

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. The results from SSN’s Annual Summer Donation Drive are in! Together with your help, SSN raised $16,381 during our annual Summer Donation Drive! That’s 109% of our goal! Learn more about how the funds will be utilized.

DONATE TODAY >>>





Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


Happy New Year, Friends!

Our year-end fundraising campaign is officially complete and with your generous help we raised $13,813 to serve straight spouses in need. From all of us at SSN, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.

BE A DONOR >>>

You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



February 4, 2021 3:38 pm  #21


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Thanks, Upside! 

More of us need to know as much as possible when we’re in this position. I never looked at my husband’s devises in the 15+ years we were together because I trusted him completely! HA! That was until the day he accidentally showed me a nude photo of a man on a CL ad m4m (before they took it down).*He was trying to ask how to do something on the iPad...LOL!).. He said “I don’t know how that got there! You know how people are always sending you stuff!” ....I said..”it’s not an email...It’s a web site..CL to be exact.. You have to deliberately type in the site name, etc... He still denied it . I couldn’t sit well with it, so the next day, I went to look in his computer. The first thing I saw was an email labeled “Sex”. That was when my world, as I knew it ended. It had been written Sunday, and was to the CL guy, introducing himself and saying they had the same things in common (the guy liked oral sex..) and that he would like to meet with him Monday—this was Wednesday. I immediately called him & said to come home...I threw the email at him. He said he didn’t go..First lie.. of MANY..! I told him I was going to look in his computer, phone, etc & he said it was fine (still is). I found SO much porn, dating sites, emails to men, etc. I learned how to find deleted searches, deleted texts, reverse # searches, AT&T records (still need to find how to get the context of texts), and so much more.

It was the AT&T records that finally got him to admit to the first man....there was a contact “David” .No designation, like a company, etc; He texted ONE time to him & got ONE text back every two weeks..... for at least 1 1/2 years (that’s as far back as online records go). Turns out all my online searches didn’t come up with him because he met him at the local porn video store..where he met a lot of the men. ..they went into the dirty back rooms where videos play & had mutual oral sex....

But, I learned SO much, and NEVER would have found out what he was doing if I hadn’t. So,  yes, for me, it was strange at first. I had always respected his privacy, however he blew it, and even gave me the OKAY to look.

So thanks again & I’ll use the information you gave because it has things I didn’t know about. I don’t need them now & hopefully won’t in the future..but, will print them ....just in case .....

 

 

February 4, 2021 5:22 pm  #22


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Great post.

And yet..as I snooped and searched the question that always I always kept asking myself is "why do I have to do this?  What kind of person makes their spouse resort to this?

Just the fact that we have to do this says so much. Tells us all we need to know about what  our spouses really think of us.


Follow up post..working title.."Knowing when to stop snooping"


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

February 4, 2021 6:56 pm  #23


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Rob wrote:

.....Follow up post..working title.."Knowing when to stop snooping"

 
So you mean your going to start your own thread titled " knowing when to stop snooping "  ??

Elle


KIA KAHA                       
 

February 4, 2021 10:15 pm  #24


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

I wish these threads had thumbs up or down icons [img]https://cdn.boardhost.com/emoticons/happy.png[/img] available for each comment!!   
 

Last edited by 38yrsGAMEOVER (February 5, 2021 10:43 am)

 

February 4, 2021 11:35 pm  #25


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

I never even looked at his computer screen let alone his phone or tablet.  It was like I just never did it, maybe there should be a post entitled when to start snooping as well as when to stop.

From the non-snooper corner - I got what I needed when I changed my question from asking him are you gay to asking myself why did I keep ending up asking that question again and I searched online, why do straight women marry gay men I asked, I found the straight spouse forum straightaway.  I read three posts, it was enough, I learned about gay in denial, he had been lying to me.  I literally fell to the floor with shock!  I was able to give myself the peaceful luxury of not second guessing myself any more.   

 

February 8, 2021 2:35 pm  #26


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

LostAtSea, the more I've thought about it, your Amazon history search is brilliant. They can't remove this without deleting your account. I will add this in now - thank you!

I also did that "crawling up the alphabet" trick, but instead of email it was with her web browser history. She was hiding reading lesbian coming out stories. The IP location lookup is great also. Will add these in as well!

On Verizon, did you have to sign up to anything to see the texts? I can see the number of text messages sent, but not their contents. Most are iMessage, but some are not. This makes me think this is an optional service they have that I don't have activated. Hmm...

LostAtSea wrote:

I am seriously thinking about going into a private investigator career. I have always enjoyed it and for me I'm pretty good at it. My stbx was shocked I could do all this. I say NEVER underestimate me. And now I have this "evidence" FOREVER that he said "some things are private". For all I am concerned, when you are MARRIED, the only "private" thing you do is go to the restroom and groom yourself. Other than that, NOTHING should be private, esp your "desires" to change genders and sexuality.

He is highly educated, but apparently lacks intelligence; however when your wife is highly intelligent, you DO NOT stand a chance! I say search away if your gut tells you to!

 

Well said. This is exactly how I feel!

SuzanneH, your story is inspirational. Given what we've all faced, hearing how others have overcome lies to find the truth is so comforting. I'm sorry that occurred, but kudos to you for uncovering what he was unable to admit.

Rob wrote:

Great post.

And yet..as I snooped and searched the question that always I always kept asking myself is "why do I have to do this? What kind of person makes their spouse resort to this?

Just the fact that we have to do this says so much. Tells us all we need to know about what our spouses really think of us.

Follow up post..working title.."Knowing when to stop snooping"

Ouch. So true. Definitely would need this future post!

Last edited by Upside (February 8, 2021 2:37 pm)

     Thread Starter
 

February 8, 2021 2:52 pm  #27


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

I’m also curious if you can get the content of text messages online from AT&T. I tried when I was searching, but couldn’t find any way to do it.. I googled it, but nothing. 
I did find Dr Fone. After installing it, and plugging in his old phone, it showed only PARTS of some text messages. It showed the entire messages of normal ones, but the ones that were partial were the ones that looked suspicious. These were deleted texts. It was supposed to get them all....deleted, too. It didn’t get ANY deleted texts on my iPad. I did it just to check. And, it didn’t get as much on his new phone, either. He was with me when I did it, so he was actually trying to help me find stuff.. (he’s come a long way...wanting to give full disclosure).

 

February 8, 2021 3:30 pm  #28


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

Upside - For Verizon, I did not have to sign up for optional service that I am aware of.  I sign in to the account, then hover over the sign out and there is a drop down that is labeled "text online". Click on "text online" and Verizon will require you to sign in again. This is when you can see all text message history contents. If you compare the contents to the date stamp time log, you will notice some discrepancies. And I've noticed the entire text history content does not always display either.

Now if your stbx is smart enough, they can go in and delete it. Just like I did mind in case, my stbx is hacking into my account (LOL). If the text content history online gets deleted, then there is no chance of retrieving it.

However if you can access the phone, you can switch the "iMessage" feature off and you should be able to discover more text messages to all contacts made.

I would put a two authenicator factor on your phone bill and any other important accounts you don't want your stbx snooping into...in case they learn to be a PI.

Good Luck!

Last edited by LostAtSea (February 8, 2021 3:44 pm)

 

February 9, 2021 10:07 am  #29


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

SusanneH wrote:

I’m also curious if you can get the content of text messages online from AT&T. I tried when I was searching, but couldn’t find any way to do it.. I googled it, but nothing. 
I did find Dr Fone. After installing it, and plugging in his old phone, it showed only PARTS of some text messages. It showed the entire messages of normal ones, but the ones that were partial were the ones that looked suspicious. These were deleted texts. It was supposed to get them all....deleted, too. It didn’t get ANY deleted texts on my iPad. I did it just to check. And, it didn’t get as much on his new phone, either. He was with me when I did it, so he was actually trying to help me find stuff.. (he’s come a long way...wanting to give full disclosure).

This is a good point! If the storage on the device is smaller, then this data will be overwritten. The data that remains can be broken or nonexistent. This happened on one device as well.

And good to hear that your husband has turned a new leaf into open communication! That's the dream.

LostatSea - Thank you! Will flow these thoughts in. The text online setting isn't enabled on my end, but this is a great option and I'm kicking myself for finding this now. You should be a PI!

A good point of using two-factor authentication as a way to safely protect an account, too!

     Thread Starter
 

February 19, 2021 1:20 pm  #30


Re: Snooping for Curious Spouses

I would like to add to the above information that Upside has so graciously shared.

How to tell if an Android Phone is rooted: When an Android phone is rooted some of the security protocols are overridden. Some vault applications require androids to be rooted or require a "jailbreak" on an iphone. These vault apps are disguised apps that are used to store other apps, photos, communications, etc.
For an Android you can go to setting>Device>status. if the status is "official" it is not rooted, if status is "custom" it is rooted.

Google Play: To find out if any suspicious apps are being used by your partner open the google play app>hamburger menu>My apps and games> choose installed or library to see which apps have been downloaded. Some vault apps are third party though and not in the play store.

Google photos: this is an app that some people forget to clean out. It sits in the background and uploads photos to a google account. If the photo is uploaded before it is deleted off the phone it may still be in google photos.

Google drive: Each gmail account will have its own google drive where photos can be stored. If you can open their gmail, you can open their google drive.

Google account: When gmail account is open, click on their photo icon in top right corner and click "manage my google account. In the manage my google account, there is a tab called data & personalization. You can turn on activity controls so you can view their web & app activity, location history and you tube history.

Chrome Passwords: I was able to access a list of all saved passwords in chrome by clicking the password entry bar at the facebook login page. An option pops up to manage passwords. It takes you to a list of accounts for which passwords are saved.  If you know the device password you can see the passwords for each account by clicking the eye icon to the right..

Facebook: if you can login to the facebook account, click the hamburger menu at top right, go to settings, scroll down and click on activity log. You can see complete history of everything they do there and filter it by topic.
When in Facebook you can also open their facebook messenger

 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum