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August 13, 2021 11:57 am  #61

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Kel,... And for you to even raise the question about the redefinition of a straight woman's sexuality (your "do we now call a woman in a relationship with a transwoman a lesbian?") is both hurtful and offensive, and contributes to the trauma we experience.  

My god.  I missed this line when I first read your post.  


August 13, 2021 12:14 pm  #62

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

   You didn't miss it.  I edited it in later.  Here's the actual line from Kel's post:
"If a straight partner decides to stay with their trans partner, call they call themselves 'straight'? ."

I find this question, and what it implies, reprehensible.  It implies that MY sexuality is redefined by my spouse's choice to start identifying as a lesbian.  This is insulting, to lesbians--females--as well as to the straight female partners of male trans-identifying spouses. If my male trans-identifying spouse were attracted to men rather than women, and I opted to stay in a MOM with my (male) trans-identifying spouse, would I only then be allowed to call myself straight?  Would my male trans-identifying spouse who identifies as a woman and is attracted to MEN also be allowed in this scheme to be called straight?  And what about the males with whom my male trans-identifying spouse has sex?  Are they straight, too? 

Talk about gaslighting. 

I was a straight spouse when I married my husband.  I remained a straight spouse when my husband decided he was "a woman inside" and began "identifying" as a lesbian.  His choice to re-define himself does not obligate me to re-define myself--or to have others redefine me, either.   If he has the right to re-define himself, I equally have the right to define myself.  I remain a straight spouse.    

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (August 13, 2021 12:19 pm)


August 13, 2021 1:12 pm  #63

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

  Wikipedia's definition has been captured by transactivists, who would like to conflate gender and sex in order to eliminate the entire fact of sex (Male/female).  Trans-identifying males (transwomen) want to do this because they insist that lesbians--females sexually attracted to females--should be attracted to THEM--MALES and their PENISES--because they consider themselves women.   To these people there is no "hetero" or "homo" sexualty, except for them, because they want lesbians as sexual partners so they can "validate" themselves as lesbian women.  So only (male) transwomen are allowed to be attracted to (female) lesbians. 

It makes no logical sense.  They want to eliminate sex as a biological category, but the entire concept of transgendered relies on that biology.  



August 13, 2021 1:29 pm  #64

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN


I think that in SSN's quest to be all inclusive and PC they have lost their way.  Truth and respect is the only route to help people who have been so horribly deceived and abused. 


August 13, 2021 2:29 pm  #65

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I've been a member here for...gee I'd have to go back and check....going on 4 years? Maybe I've been here to long
Many times when I log on I don't feel there's much I can contribute because it seems to have become a place to bring the latest article or book one has read or survey found and sounding like a site full of counselors talking to each other.
I'm not wanting to offend anyone but there don't seem as many true straightspouses here who are distraught and scrabbling for kindness, advice and help anymore, and I wonder why that is

Again...not wishing to step on anybody's toes just expressing my opinion


KIA KAHA                       

August 13, 2021 2:45 pm  #66

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

I wonder that too, Ellexoh.  


August 13, 2021 3:15 pm  #67

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Me three, Elle and walk.

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

August 13, 2021 3:26 pm  #68

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Never underestimate the importance of being a beacon of hope in the dark despair of loneliness that is the path of the straight spouse. I literally had nobody to talk to or turn to in my darkness. This site is now a repository for the emotions of all of our combined experiences, so that now many will find their answers without having to ask. There is so much benefit in the cathartic bond that new posters find in the heartfelt empathetic understanding of what becomes their new “tribe”.






We are all unique, as are our stories. But we do share a unique pain that only we truly understand. Words are  always open to misunderstandings and semantics. Empathy is not, it is felt and simultaneously shared as the purest gift bestowed on humanity.

4917 days…

Last edited by Ordinary guy (August 13, 2021 3:27 pm)

And now here is my secret, a very simple secret. It is only with the heart that one can see clearly that which is essential is invisible to the eye.

August 13, 2021 4:57 pm  #69

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

When I skim through the topics in the support section, I see many threads started by newer members. I don't think the volume has significantly decreased, but we do sometimes get small bursts of activity followed by some quieter times.

“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer

August 13, 2021 7:28 pm  #70

Re: Amazing changes coming to SSN

Yeah, that's how I felt, most of us tend to be feeling pretty isolated one way or another by the time we find this board.

I see it as all about ground.  The more lies you absorb the less reality you can touch.  So there you are engaged in that inbuilt process of weeding out the lies, and your partner, the one you trust the most is feeding you more lies instead of helping in setting you straight.  We end up walking around in a swirling fog of confusion but still we have the strength of honesty in us.

So well let's revert to just telling my story.  I woke up one morning somewhere around the age of 50 and thought I need to have more ground.  Behind that thought was a sense that my ground had been encroached on by x bit by bit and now I had none left.  I had no idea what this meant in practical terms, or how I was going to regain it but some sort of process kicked off in me.  Eventually I get to the point where I am questioning his denial.  Immediately I think why did I marry him if he really is gay and I am sitting in the privacy of my studio and type my question into google and found this forum.  I got an answer here straightaway - because you didn't know.  Thank you.  

If I had known I would not have viewed him as a romantic prospect in the first place.  And he knew that.

So now I call him x not ex.  This is because I don't want to think about him any more I have pulled him back up into the frame and that's enough.  He's x now so he doesn't have any more relation to me, not even as an ex!


Last edited by lily (August 13, 2021 7:36 pm)


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