If anyone has any advice on how to navigate this situation for a divorce that will not destroy my kids childhood and my reputation please post.

Also if you can share anything you wish you had known before or through the process of getting a divorce from a spouse who is still in denial.

I appreciate every single response.This group gave me hope and courage.

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Lostperson wrote:

.....I don't want to become a detective ...this is killing me. What a loss ! 8 years of my life

Don't be a detective. The feeling in your gut should tell you all you need to know. As long as you stay indecisive
the longer he'll expect you to stay quiet and amenable.

Elle

You are right Elle.I told him I can't do this anymore. He asked for forgiveness but I can't forgive right now .I asked for a divorce and for us not to fight for the sake of our kids .He said give me few days.He mentioned that he had prior suicidal attempts and I told him he will still have to be in his kids life . I explained that I will not tell anyone about the pictures or the posts .He still asked me to delete them.

Update:
He convinced me that he didn't do anything while we were married and he only likes oral.


Today I found out that he posted his pics on a website after our kids were born and asking to meet a guy! And that he is a bottom !!

I don't want to become a detective ...this is killing me .

What a loss ! 8 years of my life

Lost in the Closet wrote:

Lostperson,
I feel for you. I am in a similar situation. I found gay porn a couple months ago on my husbands phone and ipad. However, it was not the first time. I found some gay porn on the computer before we were married and bought the excuse that it belonged to the roommate. Then I found it again and was told it was just a curiosity and the narrative flipped to blaming me for being not attentive and that he thought I was cheating on him. the young naive me tucked it all inside and believed him, then married him and had two kids. I came across it again about 10 years ago, and I was told that he doesn't know how it appeared. At this point in our marriage, we had two young kids. I would stay up all hours looking for more evidence. I believed him again. now here we are after 25 years, and I found it again. After each time, he got much better at hiding it. Something always triggered me to look again. A comment, a change in behavior. At this point in our marriage, I had lost my voice. I couldn't even confront him. I didn't realize the emotional abuse was taking place. I read almost every post on here and listened to every podcast (those were the most helpful). I realized he always flipped any touchy conversation back to me and my faults. So I got a therapist that specializes in this (so lucky to have one local) and worked up the conversation to tell him I knew he had a same sex attraction and that i was not ok with it. He didn't deny it, he immediately jumped to "Well, I have never been with anyone" in a very defensive tone. I realized the last few years, I lost myself and my voice to him. I didn't really understand why. He is still in denial. He agreed to go to therapy, but that will be a long process. He cannot change who he is, I am hoping he can come to terms with who he is. In the meantime, I am just looking out for myself first and then the kids. I moved out of the bedroom. We live as roommates and coparents. He is so closed up, he doesn'

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