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| General Discussion » How to Healthily Move On » September 8, 2023 11:23 pm |
- MarieSmith
- Replies: 10
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How does one not become a bitter shrew?
I love your question for a couple reasons. One - you are clear that you don't want to be a bitter shrew and two - you're trying to figure it out. I'm not completely clear of the "how" for myself but I too know that's not where I want to end up. Keep us posted!
| General Discussion » Arlington VA groups » September 8, 2023 11:09 pm |
- MarieSmith
- Replies: 7
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I'm in your area and would love to connect -
| Support » Betrayal Trauma, Narcissism, and Bi(?) Husband...so many layers. » September 7, 2023 7:08 pm |
- MarieSmith
- Replies: 15
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Cecilia wrote:Hi all, this is my first post. I'm grateful for this community and the podcast.
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On our 21st anniversary my husband (and father to our 4 kids) told me he had gonorrhea and that I needed to be tested; he got it from a gay massage (that was obviously more than just a massage, ahem). I was totally shocked, but believed him, although his story didn't quite add up.
We got into couples' counseling immediately (which I know now is a mistake when there is betrayal), and thus ensued months and months and months of gaslighting and paranoia and cognitive dissonance as I discovered evidence of much more and he denied, denied, denied. I finally confronted him with all the evidence and broke down and he insists he is probably bi and just wants just me and our family; I told him I need a full therapeutic disclosure with polygraph in order to consider moving further with our marriage. We are doing it soon. Basically, he has been cheating on me with men SINCE WE WERE DATING, like, less than a year into our 4 years of dating before marriage. This has blown my mind. We have always had a good sex life and I actually prided myself in that we didn't have a dead bedroom like so many couples we know
Throughout this ordeal I've realized that he displays many traits of a covert narcissist, and after disclosure his therapist is evaluating him for that. He realizes too that he has many, many of these traits, and I see how much he has abused me emotionally over the years - criticizing me and the kids, being cruel at times, using the silent treatment. He has sexually abused me by giving me an STD.
Oh, and he also revealed that he was doing drugs at some points in the last couple years without telling me - sometimes while caring for the kids.
So I've got the "Is he really gay?" question - which, in my heart, I say yes. Then I've got the "25 years of sex with men and not considering himself a cheater or thinking that this was immoral to do to your spouse" narcissism and