Epiphany wrote:

I have also told him I am open to a threesome.

Just make sure the other guy is into women...or else you'll end up like Ross! Haha

I'm much more experienced than my husband (as far as I know, that is!!)....and I half-seriously thought about proposing a threesome in those early days...Not because it was something that particularly excited me as a married person (I have zero desire to see him sexually with anyone else)...But I thought: Well, if he's actually gay...this might help accelerate that revelation...and I wouldn't have to wait 10 more years for that shoe to drop.

Glad you're feeling better. Sounds like you may need a new counselor, though...jeez.

Hi Leery...I'm sorry you've found yourself here. As a mother, I cannot imagine any sex would be worth blowing up my family & hurting my spouse/child....so, I'm not going to sugarcoat it: I think your wife is being profoundly selfish.

I am in a bi-hetero marriage. The issue isn't the bisexuality (that your wife is capable of being attracted to both men and women)...The issue is that your wife wants intimacy with others. If you wouldn't be cool with your wife seeing other men...you're probably not going to feel any better about it being another woman. That's OK. Most of us didn't sign up for that. I think counseling is a good step—having a third party navigate some of the difficult conversations you need to have....My only advice is to not lose sight of your happiness...your values....and what you need to be fulfilled. 

Straight Spouse in Need,

If you're out there...please know that I'm also flipping birds at your husband from afar. Lean into that anger...It will help propel you out of that horrible hostage situation faster.

Rooting for you...and better days ahead <3

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Chump Lady has an excellent column today about "opening the marriage."  UXWorld's second comment is gold.  

Link for those who haven't discovered Chump Lady yet

UBT: Opening the Marriage to Save the Marriage?

“My husband told me he needed to be non-monogamous to feel whole. He said he was sincerely sorry for what he had done, and claimed he could be monogamous now, but would not be truly happy if he was.”

UBT: He’s saying: “After 16+ years of saying I’m ‘this,’ I now declare that I am ‘that.’ And if you refuse to allow me to be ‘that,’ it’s your fault if the marriage fails.”

Is this the one, OOHC? 
 

Many here have been on the other end of the slowly-coming-out-as-gay experience...many more never hear the words "I'm gay." Our stories are so varied...but similar in many ways. I am a firm believer in trusting your gut. If something doesn't feel right...it probably isn't.
I like the actions, not words motto.
Do you feel truly desired? Does he look at you lovingly in the eyes/kiss you when you have sex ....or is it mechanical/performatory?
Does he have to have you at a moment's notice...or does he need to watch porn before sex? 
Does he desire you as a woman...or are you playing the part of a man in the bedroom?
Is your relationship passionate...or more like friends or roommates?
Does he make you feel loved and happy?...as a partner should

One thing I would highly recommend is getting counseling on your own...with someone who is invested in *you* and your well-being....not the marriage...Someone who can help you unpack what you truly need (not just what you are willing to tolerate). 

I really feel for you...I can't imagine getting this bombshell during the pandemic! I hope you have someone close and trustworthy that you can talk to...This situation can be so isolating. I felt so much better after confiding in my best friend. Look out for *you*. I know how hard this is.