Tangled, that’s some great insight. When I asked my husband if he thought his preference switched back and forth, he said yes...when I asked if it was leaning more towards men right now...he said yes.

This morning I took a sexuality test and was like 90% straight, 10% gay....I’m assuming because I answered that I find women attractive sometimes, though I’ve never wanted anything...it’s more like an acknowledgment. I sent the test to him and he was 89% Straight 94%Gay....his results = Bisexual and my results = Heterosexual. So I said to him “well I guess it’s pretty accurate considering everything but now you need to decide what you want to do yourself/with us and your life moving forward. He said he wants us. I responded that I do too and I hope he begins to desire me more again. I realize I have to ask myself what I want too. I do believe love is worth fighting for but not at the expense of one’s mental health. He understands I love him but will not accept these conditions anymore. So we will move forward and see if I’m able to help him scratch that itch enough under my terms. Time will tell!!

- Epiphany

Maya, I agree with you. He’s too far gone from the marriage already. He may freak out upon confrontation or even lash out, he will be totally caught off guard so be prepared. You may want to get proof of a few financial items before confronting him as well...just in case things go south and he tries to move money or something. This has been such a burden for you to hide and try and deal with on your own...pretending every day that you are ok. My heart goes out to you. Best of luck and Blessings on your journey ahead.

- Epiphany

Maya, please keep us posted. We have a 15-20 min consultation with our counselor tomorrow but I’m so anxious to talk to her alone. I’ve mentioned before wanting to know everything but then there’s a side of me that tells me to hang on and try. I need time and I’m worried about finding something that will put me over the edge. It’s not smart of me to rush this financially etc...I’m curious what kind of advice your counselor will give you. Though every situation is different, I feel like we are in the same exact boat right now. Best of luck!!! 🍀

- Epiphany

Maya, when you are ready, I highly suggest confronting him. I battle with this because I want to be smart, I’m not ready to be on my own but at my lowest moments I realize I’ll take struggle any day over crying in the middle of the night for hours on end. Then I think of the kids, telling my parents and what it would do to them but this group has showed me, that we cannot take on this burden alone.

I’m not sure how things will go for you but when I confronted my husband he gradually told me some stuff. I’d search his friends list, ask who these guys were, he’d say he could tell they were bisexual by ads they liked on Facebook (bullshit), he had joined a secret Facebook group...I started searching, asking, then I’d take it all in, cry, we’d have a few good hours or days. Then my mind would think “what about Instagram, Snapchat etc..”. Well last week Thursday night I discovered a godaddy.com intimate massage friend in his Instagram. I grabbed his phone and made him unlock it. I spent 1.5 hours discovering his “best friends” on Snapchat, one of them had nude pics saved so I knew instantly what these friends were all doing. The gut wrenching moment for me though was when I discovered “rooms by the hour” on his search history. I’d look back at the days/times and realize he’d search this when I was sitting in the living room with him or texting him at work. He told me he thought of meeting a guy but hadn’t yet. Today he shared 4 months of credit card statements and his PayPal statement. There is nothing on our bank statements showing he purchased a hotel room so I actually believe him. In this time though, I learned he had a relationship with another man while we were engaged, a one night BJ event while traveling and a few other inquiries.

So here we sit, I know his urges are serious, I’ve tried to get him to admit that he’s moved onto men, explained I don’t want him to live a lie, offered a lavender marriage etc... But his respon

Thank you Tangled, I will check back...sorry you lost all that thought and effort, how frustrating!!! Julian, I will remember to not lose myself. I’ve decided though we are going to be working on us, that this is my time too. I’ve given everything to my family and in the process lost myself. My youngest is 12. My biggest fear through this all , if we had to divorce...was how in the world would I support myself? I’m a stay at home Mom now who has the luxury of being here constantly to help my family...watch my granddaughter on a whim (I’m only 41, young mother’s run in the family), help my son with homework, healthy habits and sports..be here for my 18 year old daughter as she navigates her future, cook healthy dinners, take care of all 4 of our pets, etc..  So the idea of having to go back to work full time in a job where I’d make $9 per hour, and lose all those benefits etc.. was scary. At my lowest moments though, I almost preferred that struggle to what I was going through. I told my husband that he has to be completely open and honest is he truly loves me...even if that’s telling me that he now prefers and needs a man at any point in our marriage. He will be going to counseling to help but he’s already been open and honest...disclosing the different moments over the years when his urges were stronger towards Men and what he did during that time, explaining that it’s almost years rather than months. Like 2 years of preferring men, then 2 years preferring women. We’ve discussed how we can help him through that in a way that we can stay Monogomous. Even though he’s been in a stretch of preferring Men, he is still attracted to women and to me. He is, at this point, definitely Bisexual. With all that said...I’ve also told him that I’ve given every piece of myself to this family but now is my time. I have given up school, singing and taking time for myself to even work out. I’ve decided I’m going to take classes for photography and start