Hi Nicole,

There's no way to know why he's doing what he's doing unless he tells you or you find evidence of what he's doing outright.

The porn can be there because he has a porn addiction that has spiraled to this place, he might be a cross dresser for kicks, a guy with gynandromorphophilia, or a full blown autogynephile.

I can only say for certain - I'm so sorry this has entered your life. I am sure it's causing tremendous confusion for you and great distress.

Best to you.

* Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It is the paraphilia that is theorized to underlie transvestism and some forms of male-to-female (MtF) transsexualism.

** Gynandromorphophilia (GAMP) is attraction to gynandromorphs (GAMs), who are natal males with both breasts and a penis, colloquially known as "she-males."

Givemestrength,

I hope you are informing your adult children. Not telling them puts you in a whole new closet. If you suddenly disappear to go live with your friend, your adult kids are likely to be confused, suspicious, and I hate to say this, but this forum has seen it happen, you'll give him the time and lone access to them to set the blame for the split at your feet.

I'm so sorry to hear about your panic attack. The shock of it all is just so much to deal with.

We all definitely understand the years you've lost via lies and manipulation. It feels downright criminal, doesn't it?

Hi Expect,

I had to go back and search your posts to answer this.

First - you aren't wrong. You're upset you don't have a genuine life. No physical affection, no sex, no intimacy. Now add that he lives a secret sex life he hides from you on his comp/phone. There's potentially more than his comp/phone, but let's just go with what we know.

Was it ever your goal to live a life devoid of love, sex and intimacy? Was it ever your aim to hook yourself to a man carrying on sexual relationships with electronic items? Did you get married so you could have a roommate?

Your answers are likely no. When your answers are no, are you wrong? You aren't wrong. You're unhappy and unfulfilled.

Porn addiction is a thing. Sex addiction is a thing. Some find them confusing and controversial, but I've spent years researching them (to the point of now compiling a book). Could he be? Sure. Does it matter? No. It shakes out the same. Lies, denial, double life, fantasy world, selfish, narcissistic, abuse, gaslighting, secrecy, escalation, acting out.

The bottom line is you are unhappy. Regardless of reason.
You're not wrong there.

Best to you.

Hi Roo,

I'm sorry you find yourself still in this situation. I can understand where you are coming from though. It's a big leap and it feels like a leap straight off a cliff sometimes.

You're not alone in delay, don't feel badly about it. We all do things in our own time. I delayed because of my toddler son. We've all got reasons.

It helped me to make a move when I nailed down my fears. What was I afraid of when contemplating making that freedom leap?

Have you asked yourself this and been really honest with yourself about it? What are you afraid of living life without his presence?

Caught an episode of Dr Phil over coffee this morning called "A military cop's confession to his family: I want to be a woman". Good grief is it ever over the top. So much narcissism, lack of empathy, and woman larping, even Phil (who tends to play PC sympathy to the bone) called him out on his complete self-centered attitude.

Hard episode to watch. The TIM is completely stone-faced the whole while his wife and uncle that raised him are going to pieces. The poor uncle's pain just comes right through the TV and is palpable.

Standard fare (sans the conditioning via porn truth, which is made obvious as wife explains she caught him in their bed with another TIM), "I'm a woman because hair, makeup, dresses, and shoes". Every day is halloween.

Phil reverts to standard PC mode and virtuously goes on to guilt the uncle incredibly by pressuring "she is the same person you have always loved" and trying to sway him over to accepting.

End of the show his Twitter poll shows 24% would stay with a gender swapped partner, 76% would not stay.