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1 of 1- Roo
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Still Struggling
Hi all! It's been a really long time since I've posted. I hope you are all doing well given the situation we've been dealt with. I have been on and I am still reading posts. I am just too much of a coward to post myself. I am ashamed to say I am still married to my GIDH. For a long time, I think I've just been ignoring the situation. I admire all of you that were able to take that first step. I'm nearly 3 years since disclosure and I am still in the same situation. Still no one in my family knows my situation. He is still posting on gay hook up sites. I know what I need to do without knowing what to do if that makes sense. Three years of being miserable and unhappy, Why would I do this to myself?
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
- Lyonene
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Re: Still Struggling
Hi Roo,
I'm sorry you find yourself still in this situation. I can understand where you are coming from though. It's a big leap and it feels like a leap straight off a cliff sometimes.
You're not alone in delay, don't feel badly about it. We all do things in our own time. I delayed because of my toddler son. We've all got reasons.
It helped me to make a move when I nailed down my fears. What was I afraid of when contemplating making that freedom leap?
Have you asked yourself this and been really honest with yourself about it? What are you afraid of living life without his presence?
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Still Struggling
Roo darling.....stop with the coward label! I'm coming up 2 1/2 years and I'm still with the man who changed my life too. I have told selected friends & family....and so will you eventually. Lately I've been thinking....if I had left 2 1/2 yrs ago what would my life have been like, now? Living alone, away from family, on a benefit, depressed. But that's not how I work, I knew I needed things in place and that I'm not the kind of person who takes a leap as big as the one I may take...without checking all the dangers, and sorting out a safety net first.
Your husband sounds uncaring and entitled. I feel that you need to get angry (not at him but at what he's done).....to find the inner strength you need to want to change your environment
Warm vibes
KIA KAHA
- Roo
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Re: Still Struggling
I just can't afford to be on my own right now. We have a business together (that's not doing really well at the moment) and I do have a side business that I am trying to build but it is taking forever. So...I so through the days, thinking what life would be like without this burden on my back, a burden that I did not ask for, a burden that I do not deserve (none of us do).
Oct 22nd will be our 25th wedding anniversay!
Last edited by Roo (October 9, 2019 11:43 am)
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Still Struggling
Roo wrote:
I just can't afford to be on my own right now I know the feeling, and I've looked at it like this....it's kinda like we want different things, and he may be dishonestly doing things he knows I don't agree with BUT...it's a choice he's made (or not made, which is the REAL mindfuck. The Distrust!)....so until something real happens...like an admission from him....I'm okay living as we are. Because this is my journey and I'm making it more MY journey with every small step I take. We have a business together (that's not doing really well at the moment) and I do have a side business that I am trying to build but it is taking forever. So...I so through the days, thinking what life would be like without this burden on my back, a burden that I did not ask for, a burden that I do not deserve (none of us do).
Oct 22nd will be our 25th wedding anniversay! 25th anniversary...woah! Hey Roo, buy him an elephant figurine and place it somewhere prominent so he sees it everyday. Tell him it's the Elephant in the Room that sits between you
KIA KAHA
- Rob
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Re: Still Struggling
Roo,
Do not be ashamed. Do whatever you need to do to survive.
I dont know why they decide to do this around this anniversary..i actually took my gx out on our anniversary..she gave me 1 hour of not texting her girlfriend..that was all I got.
It is a season. Use it to gather strength and know it is not forever.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Roo
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Re: Still Struggling
Thank you Rob.
How I'll get through this I have no idea.
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain, when you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” ~ Haruki Murakami ~
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Thread Starter- Rob
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Re: Still Struggling
Roo,
We get it.. There is no time frame to this..everyone goes through this and does whatever they need to do to survive.
Reading your predicament I will say this.. If hes going on hook up sites etc.. I would certainly start distancing myself from him. I would slowly squirrel away funds needed or see if I could borrow from family or friends. Even if it takes years...one small step at a time.. even if I had to hide cash in a coffee can.
Smalll steps of self care and preservation.
What kept me going was my kids. I could face the abuse and hurt she was dishing out as long as I saw my kids.. I maintained my routine of coming home from work and acting as best I could that things were the same.. In that time I was discretely gathering strength, building my support system.
There will come a time and you will know when, when it will become too much .. I think for m it began when she was blatantly going out with her girlfriend... I would shake with trauma ...uncontrollable physical shaking... I knew I needed help...I knew I needed an army of help..
Keep building your support.. Know that it is not forever..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7