OutofHisCloset wrote:

I spent less than $2,000 getting divorced.  My lawyer, an uncontested divorce.  My ex did not get a lawyer of his own. We had no minor children.  

We had one mediation session after I had consulted a lawyer but before I retained her.  We saw the mediator  at my ex's insistence (for free, the initial consultation), because my ex insisted we didn't need a lawyer--he thought mediation would be cheaper and avoid conflict--which I knew to be wrong, because we would still need a lawyer to implement what was agreed on in mediation.  But I knew he wouldn't take my word on that, so I agreed to the meeting, knowing the outcome, and, sure enough, the mediator set him straight. 

When you retain a lawyer, tell the lawyer what you want in terms of child custody.  Many men who divorce want 50/50 custody not because they want their children, but because they don't want to pay child support. Don't forget that you have leverage in the form of his not wanting the secret exposed.  

That you are torn between emotions (one minute thinking you'll miss him, the other that you want him to disappear) is normal and part of the process.  The more you can look at your emotions, and realize that they are a normal part of the process, rather than an expression of something about you, the easier it will be for you.  The process does take an emotional toll.  Get help from your doctor or a therapist, or unload to friends and here.  
 

 

Thank you for your response .I have been seeing a therapist weekly...sometimes twice a week ...I'll probably need medications as well....
We have two minor children ...
I don't want 50/50 ...I want the kids with me majority of the time ..I want to protect them because his family is very religious and they try to brainwash my kids .

I honestly don't care about child support .I have been paying for food,clothes,school,child care and activities !! he pays mortgage and household bills.

He used all our savings to crea

Salgal1960 wrote:

I know what you mean.  I thought about forgiveness. a lot! First, I decided I could only feel compassion for him for being gay.  I don't believe anyone can CHOOSE their sexuality, and why would they when the world is against them? My ex is still in the closet, even after both of his parents died. He's so ashamed he can't admit it.  He's angry at me for admitting it for him, even when I presented him with his own black and white evidence! Just as your spouse didn't believe he was cheating, mine said he was only having sexual fantasies, that it wasn't real, so he didn't do anything. He didn't believe he is gay either. So, I think the ANGER we feel is what prevents forgiveness. I can't forgive MYSELF for being so blind and wasting my younger life on a lie! I'm mostly angry that he allowed us to have a child whose life should not have included this hardship on all of us! We can't tell him we forgive him, because as long as someone won't admit what the problem IS, you can't express your feelings about it! Regardless, forgiveness is for US,not for them. It's to relieve our own pain so that we can release them and let them go into our past never to return. 

Your story is simulilar to mine ...I feel so stupid for wasting 8 years and involving two children! He tells me he hasn't been gay for 10 years even though I discovered daily gay porn!

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Zero empathy for the deliberate deception and betrayal of the person you promised to love sounds like a reasonable response to me.  

Please don't let his "week to think" lull you into inaction.  You don't have any idea what he might be doing in that week, including emptying joint bank accounts or seeing lawyers.  

So true ...he was crying all the time and suddenly yesterday he started acting as if nothing has happened. I'll meet a lawyer this week.

The mediator wants $3100! This sounds too much ! In addition to a lawyer .

How much did you spend on this process ?

Of course money will not bring back my years !