Is love enough?

No. I don't think so. 

I love many people in my life. It's the passion that sets a marriage apart from those other relationships. Without it, you just have a roommate who splits the bills and childcare duties...that is, until he's "figured himself out" (found someone worth leaving his comfortable life for.) Life is so short...and we only get one. I think you deserve so much more. 

I am not religious — so I can't relate to the religious aspect of your struggle. But, I will say this: My husband's mother is what I would describe as extremely Catholic. She devotes so much of her life to the church that I often wondered why she didn't become a nun. She got divorced when my husband was a teenager (after his father confessed to an affair with another woman). I have no doubt that was incredibly difficult for her. It is so sad to me that she never remarried (due to her religious beliefs) because—though I don't see eye-to-eye with her on many issues—she is an incredibly kind and loving woman....who fell in love with the wrong man at 17. Divorce is hard for the entire family (no doubt)...but all four children wished their mother would have had the love and romance she deserved. I do, too. FWIW. 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

Julian_Stone wrote:

....

I seem to recall that Joe Kort is gay. The woman you mention....whose husband came out as gay after only 1 zoom session....I wonder how  relieved she was, and did she ever think "if we hadn't gone to a gay counselor.....my husband may never have admitted/realised he was gay."
I also wonder was it the straight wife or the husband who initiated the appointment. Was it the gay man leaving it up to the wife to organise the counseling revelation, the coming out because he was terrified to do it himself? 

How pathetic these men are, and how brave the straights are to realise it's possibly the only way to get it out into the open....
It makes me angry and sad

Elle
 

No doubt it was the straight one who made the appointment...Isn't it always the straight one who's endlessly Googling, Redditing, reading every relevant article and psychological study?
I did a quick search in this forum for "Kort", and found that it was actually two women who met with Dr. Kort and had the same result: Their husbands finally came out as gay. So maybe he is a "gay whisperer" of sorts. I'm sure these women were relieved to finally get the truth....so they could begin the healing process and get back to other interests that don't involve endlessly trying to figure out their husband's sexuality.
 

You're not a disaster. You're not crazy. You're reacting like anyone would in this situation. The crying is a healthy reaction. I'll be honest: This relationship sounds extremely toxic...and I have zero doubt that if you left it, you'd get to a much better place. It's going to take a lot of self-love and continued therapy...new hobbies, new friends, a place of your own...and time. But, god, you deserve so much better than what you're dealing with right now. Marriage should never be this painful. Keep posting. We've got your back here. 

You're not crazy, Queen. Most of us don't get married thinking our husband is going to one day text us that he wants a boyfriend...THAT is crazy. We get so wrapped up in the sexual orientation business...but the bottom line is: You're just incompatible. The letter might be therapeutic (even if you don't send it). Do you have a close friend you can talk to? This is some heavy stuff...you shouldn't have to deal with it alone.