My lesbian ex-spouse came out about 4 years ago and left our son (who was 16 when she left and 20 now and lives with me) and I pretty much alone (aside from divorce issues)  except for a few small patches of time where she and our son met for a few times and then things went cold between them again.   Our divorce was finalized this past June and my ex immediately announced that she was getting married to a woman she had been seeing for a year and a half.    All of a sudden the push is on by her to re establish a motherly relationship for our son and have him get together frequently with her and her live in partner.    My son wants to have some relationship with her and not adverse to meeting with her partner (it's just another person to have dinner with). 

I have extreme problems with this thawing of his relationship with his mother and the thrusting of her new partner into his life (and indirectly my life).     My ex-wife created great emotional and financial problems for him and I by her leaving the house and family,    We had a horrific divorce which caused my son great stress as he feared us having to sell the house (we didn't).    This turn of events has caused me great stress and to be honest I am not comfortable with him being around his mother and her partner because I don't approve of gay relationships (nor does he) and because I feel this woman while not the actual woman my ex-wife left me for she represents what my ex was looking for when she left and the life she wanted.   Also I have taken care of my son through several problems some of which my ex-wife's leaving caused over the last 4 years.  She won't even admit her actions caused the problems.      

I have no problem him visiting and being with his mother.    I do have a problem with being with her partner.  I feel like I was removed from the family and replaced with this woman.   This issue is retriggering the anger and feeling of betrayal I felt when my ex-wife came out

Victim no.  Betrayed yes, not only by my wife of 20 years and who I thought I was to continue to grow old with but also by a society that celebrates the "bravery" of homosexuals coming out regardless of the harm they do to their spouses and family.  Left in a financial and emotional mess not of my making, yes.   Overall I felt like society was treating my son and I's destroyed lives were just a byproduct of serving the perceived "greater woke purpose" of my stbx coming out and living as a lesbian.   Victim No.    Piece of trash tossed to the side of the road, yes for a long time but not anymore.  Empowered,  yes.   I'm still standing and moving forward and I don't care what she thinks and what society believes anymore. 

Jamie,

I'm one who likes to have plans set forth as well.    I found that once my stbx separated everything went into complete chaos.  The actual divorce wasn't important and addressing financial, household, and even our son wasn't important to her.  The first year she was in what I called lesbian puberty.    She was out partying and dating as many women as she could.  My son wanted to talk to her about things and if he called on the weekend she wouldn't answer. 

I respect your need for order.   However, I'd advise you to get ready for chaos and learn to roll with the flow a little.  As one actress said "Hang on it's a bumpy ride". 

 

JamieB, 

Sounds like you have a good handle on the situation. Children are tough on parents in a divorce because the divorce is tough on children.  Then you toss in the homosexual parent issue and it just gets crazy.  My 19 year old son will have very little to do with his mother as he is still very mad at her three years after she came out and asked for a divorce.  I'm trying to finalize the divorce but my hopefully STBX is spending her time complaining about how I have to get our 19 year to see her.   Have you ever tried to get a 19 year old to do anything they don't want to do.