It's certainly easy to look back as we spend so many years there with them.

I'm years out and beginning to think that it may be time to sell the family home..I like it but is has too many memories and baggage no matter how much I redecorate..

I dont beat myself up anymore though about noticing the hurt and path of destruction she left behind..
Like you my GX has her own place with all new stuff....but I don't think she is happy. 

Best we can do is move forward with our life..in the next life we can tell God we kept all our vows and promises and did the best we could...

Your story is my story too.  I’m nowhere near where I need to be.  My ex has our daughter, our house, our career.  And I have this forum.

SameDeepWaterAsPhil wrote:

Dear Rob & Charting My Path:
I am immediately struck by your words & the lingering pain they represent. After 14 months, my LW & I are still trying to figure out how our MOM should look (or in her case, whether she can remain in it) while maintaining our faith & vows. I am resolute about not breaking my promises before God, my wife, & our families. She is not so resolute, which is so out of character from the partner I thought I "knew" all of these years. I get dizzy just thinking about the house, the assets, & of course, our teen boys. Her recent talk of being worn down & deep uncertainty about our future is so hard to process. I desperately want my old life back. The problem is, I know well that life is gone forever. Either she & I will figure out a new life together, or I'll be joining you gentlemen in lamenting the aftermath of dissolution. I'll pray for peace & happiness for you both!

My wife came out a few months ago. One day in August she told me she wanted to start looking at the logistics of separation. I couldn't say a word. I went to get a haircut. An hour later she called me in tears that she missed me and she wanted to try the MOM.

Almost 1 month from then she told me on Friday that she can't do this anymore and that she needs to have a relation with a woman, that is not the sex experience.
So we had the talk about the logistics of divorce.

Turns out she had planned for the kids to stay at our house where we would live in alternate weeks. On the weeks I am with the kids she would live with a friend, and when she is with the kids I was supposed to live at my parents, apparently.

I told her that no way I was going to move in with my parents.
She has her narrative. 2 weeks a month she is a strong single mother with 4 children. The other 2 weeks she is a brave empowered woman breaking away from heteronormativiy.
My narrative is spending only 2 weeks with my 4 children and the other 2 weeks I am a slightly overweight 40year old living with his parents. SEXY.

No,no way.
If our kids best interest (which is us staying together) must be sacrificed for her mental health, I must also think about my mental health. I need a narrative that I can feel proud of. For me and for my children.

I believe in marriage. I believe there is someone out there for me. And we will grow old together. And we'll be by each others' side, in sickness and in health. And I will hold the fort when she falls ill, and she will hold the fort when I fall ill. And we will support each others' passions and projects.
I thought my wife was that person. But I was wrong. Which means that there is a woman waiting for me, and I plan to find her.

We can sell our house and with the money we get minus the mortgage we have a decent equity to put into 2  appartments across the freeway. Fresh new start for both of us. Close enough for the kids, but far enough to not to see each other on a regular basis. I'll have the kids 15 days, will drop them at school on the first monday morning and she will pick them up and take them for 15 days. Unless any kind of urgency we won't see each other. It sounds harsh, but I can't do it any other way.

She was shocked with the plan. She asked for intermediate solutions. For us to live as roomates and not separate for a while. She seriously expects that she will be dating and having sex with other people while I will be home with the children waiting to see if she changes her mind and decides to go back to me!

Seriously the level of disrespect and abuse they can be capable of is insane. I never thought she would even think of suggesting such a thing.

But I understand it is hard to say goodbye to our beautiful house and to our memories.

I am a great man. Handsome, smart, professionally successful, fun, adventurous, caring, great with the kids, skilled on home tasks... I deserve better.

We all try our best to make MOM work. But except for few isolated cases, it seems to me that for most people is an unnecessary delay of the unavoidable.

So find yourself. Embrace what is true and worth about you.

PS: The song "Save yourself" by Ed Sheeran is really good.
Before I save someone else, I've got to save myself.
Before I love someone else,I've got to love myself.

Last edited by Bertuccio (September 18, 2022 7:02 am)