OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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| Support » Post divorce agreement. Reflection / Pain / Planning » October 14, 2019 10:17 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 16
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Dear Str8guy,
I know it may not feel like it now, but it WILL get much better...though the real healing probably won't start until you're living in separate quarters. I have little doubt that you two will have a much better relationship as friends and co-parents. I'm with you on the religious stuff. Many of us are victims of our spouse's family's homophobia (and, as a trickle-down effect, our spouse's internalized homophobia). I long for the day when everyone is accepted for who they are and there are less of us "straight spouses."
I think dating any time in the near future would be a horrible idea, but there are lots of online places to find friends with similar interests (particularly if you're near a city): Bumble, Meetup, or Tastebuds.fm if you're a music lover.
I think individual counseling is also immensely helpful. Going for walks and even listening to meditations on Youtube at night have also helped me. And, of course, you always have us here. We know how much this sucks....but the scars will fade over time. I love hearing from those who have come out on the other side of these dark days into sunshine. In time, you will be one of them.
Wishing you peace & comfort in the days ahead.
| Strategies for MOM's » Musings » October 13, 2019 9:57 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 24
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Ellexoh_nz wrote:I've stopped trying to talk about how I'm feeling...to a man who can't acknowledge my pain.
I'm not as far along into this mindscrew as you are (6 months in). My husband also calls himself bisexual — something he did not disclose to me until 9 years into our relationship.
What astounded me perhaps most of all was his lack of empathy for me. He once cried over a very bad hangover, but has not shed a single tear as I poured my damn soul out. This seems to be a common experience: complete lack of empathy on the part of our bi/gay/GID spouses. I cry a LOT less now, but I still have bad days...angry days...and he just seems so dumbfounded. "What's wrong?"...Jesus...I just want to scream YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG. I'd love a professional opinion on why that is: How these people who'd committed to being our life partners cannot even seem to acknowledge the pain they've caused us.
Wishing you peace & clarity. We all know how hard this is.
| General Discussion » Coming Out » October 12, 2019 12:17 am |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 9
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I wonder how many of us would have even registered the cruelty of the "still married to a man" line before we became (or were "outed" as, rather) straight spouses. How many of us would have thought about the invisible husband who had his whole world turned upside down?
| Strategies for MOM's » My intro - Strait Husband and lesbian wife » September 25, 2019 2:16 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 28
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Hi Str8guy,
You still have so much of your life ahead of you...and if there were no children involved, I would say "run like your hair is on fire" as they say around here
....You seem like such a kind, understanding person, and I'm so sorry you are going through this. It sucks. Boundaries are completely acceptable....and necessary, really. You did not agree to a "girlfriend" when you got married. You didn't agree to any of this. I know the desperation to make it work for the children, but will either of you be happy if you stay together?
| General Discussion » Betrayal Trauma » September 22, 2019 8:28 am |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 4
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Is it this one?
| Support » Off Topic » September 19, 2019 5:58 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 7
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Can you log into your iCloud account via a web browser? www.icloud.com. You can "save as" to the thumb drive on your computer. (Or you can upload them from your phone to Google Drive)
| Support » Off Topic » September 19, 2019 4:43 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 7
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You're probably under a "Family sharing" plan now, but you should be able to buy your own individual storage plan. I'm not sure how, though, TBH.
Do you have a Google account? You can upload them to Google Drive and then delete them from your device. You can also save them to a thumb drive.
| Support » Off Topic » September 19, 2019 1:41 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 7
| Support » Ways to emotionally detach » September 19, 2019 12:25 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 6
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Thanks, all. I'm hopeful that it will get better in time...(I'm five months into this nightmare) but am slowly coming to the realization that as long as we're together, I'll never truly be able to heal from this. We just moved recently, so as soon as things settle down, I'm going to try to find friends here & create healthy distractions from TGT.
| General Discussion » thoughts occasioned by the film "Hope Springs" » September 19, 2019 12:11 pm |
- Julian_Stone
- Replies: 9
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That's one of the saddest things about all of this, isn't it? None of us get married thinking everything is going to be perfect. We all anticipate the bumps, the ebb & flow. We think certainly there is nothing we can't overcome....just like the couples in the movies, right?....Until we're struck over the head with TGT. My husband & I did couples therapy just a few weeks post-disclosure. It was expensive and emotionally draining, but it seemed necessary at the time. I needed answers that I now realize I'll never get. I needed empathy that I also realize I'll probably never get. But, most of all, I desperately needed to *fix* us. But there is no magic wand to wave away TGT. And for many of us, our stories remain incomplete....until we find a way to write ourselves a new narrative. I haven't gotten there yet, but it's encouraging to read the stories of those who have.