Well I haven't posted for a while now...so here is an update as I am lying in bed unable to sleep...
I have taken some steps forward emotionally. I have been busy, been out there, been telling people, been making my own plans, been seeking & accepting support, been talking...I feel stronger, more myself. I can hold my head up high. I can even joke about what has happened.
I feel good about myself. I know I have a happy future ahead, even if I don't know how it will look.
I will love & be loved again...and it will be real next time.
My problems now are mainly practical & financial, and, most importantly, are to see my children through all of this.
My husband moved out, he has since made a few visits to see the children. But they see him drifting away. He has become unreliable. He shuts down his feelings. They don't see the dad they had always known & loved. He is acting differently. He has become selfish & detached. He even lies to them. He complains to them that I am being unreasonable & demanding. Then he complains that none of us ask him how he is. It is like he has had a personality transplant!
Our house is falling apart around me with so many unfinished jobs...electrics, plumbing, leaking roof. I ask him for some help with this. He resents this & refuses to help. He blames other people for the lack of action. The thing is...he is a builder. He runs a company with 30 odd employees. And he can't even send somebody out. Most of my money is in that company too.
I packed some of his clothes in bags for him...he only took his favourite clothes with him when he moved out. I want the bedroom back as my own. He complains to our children about this.
He has junk filling up our house & garage. He was a bit of a horder. Now he refuses to help us clear this
out.
He has ignored friends attempts to see him. He has cut himself off. The only advice he gets comes from his new partner who also left his wife & kids.
He tells the kids he is happy & it is his time to be selfish.
Wel

Hey Wondering89... You are so right about the roller coaster...bad night sleep...too many thoughts in my head, questions spinning round, no answers to the questions....today I feel pathetic again, weepy, gloomy. I have to pick myself up somehow.
He knows that each action he takes is hurting us more. He is on full speed loved up teenage hormones and he just says that he needs to be selfish....since dumping this on us a few days ago he has not yet done one thing correctly....it is all about him....we are a hindrance in his way, an obstacle to get by....I thought we were the centre of his life. I get that he is leaving the marriage, but he has left his kids too and his feeble attempts to communicate with them have all been taken as an act, a pre rehearsed speech with little real emotion, empathy or thought.
My son is drinking, hurting so munch inside, so angry I fear for him. I will have to be stong for him. So, now I am going to pick myself up...I will try driving the camper an which he always drives and I might just dye my hair purple.

He Intends to move out to live with, in his own words, "the man I love". The children and I have asked him to postpone this a couple of weeks. My daughter finds change difficult and asked him to help make this easier. She wants to feel more comfortable with him again before he goes. My son gave him an ultimatum and asked him not to go straight off to the new man but to help mend the damage a little first by facing up to his responsibilities and not running away. I tried to dissuade him from any fixed ultimatums but he is incredibly stubborn. He doesn't need to be here, but maybe go to his parents. We don't expect or want him to make a U turn, just to help us process this and negotiate a future where he can be a good dad. Then he can be freer to move on and carry a bit less guilt. We can accept his need to move on and to come out as gay and to end our marriage, but we are all so hurt by the manner he has done this.
Well, tonight he had agreed to come home and talk with us all. He then refused and told us by phone that he has already moved out and into the man's flat. He then went into a complete rant accusing me of trying to control and blackmail him, and said he would meet with me, but not the whole family together. He feels there are things that should not be said in front of the children(all adults). My kids are all wanting us to be together when we meet up. They feel there is more strength in our togetherness. I have nothing damaging to say, I am trying my best to make it possible for him to be their dad. They all heard him shouting and are incredibly shocked. He seems to be trying to pass blame on to me and I will not accept that.
He also phoned and spoke with our daughter who lives abroad and inappropriately started to describe his new flat and offered to send her photos of it and then wanted to tell her all about his new love. My daughter skyped us and was visibly shaken by this and in fits of tears.
I do not want him any longer as a husband and any friendsh

Thank you all for your support & advice. It really means a lot. I can see that you move onwards in time. Right now I can only see a few days at a time ahead and I am trying to plan to see someone or do something positive every day. I have a close neighbour and a music friend who I have confided in. I find I can feel normal for a few minutes in conversation or activity and then it all hits me again as I realise my current situation. I swing between feeling intensely sorry for myself & weeping all over the place, to buckling myself up and putting on my fighting face.
I need to make a financial plan. At the moment my husband says he will provide whatever financial & practical help I need. I don't want to be reliant on him, but I am bloody well going to get my share of any money his business makes as well as a return of monies I have lent. I am going to get his agreement in writing and signed, and then get legal advice. I need to catch him quickly on this whilst he is still feeling very sorry, and before he moves in with his new partner and gets involved in any new demands there. That is my job to start doing tomorrow....i can't quite face it today. I was about to go back into work (I am a therapist) and had just put out my CV but I can't cope with that at the moment, and I also wouldn't want my husband to get a free money pass because I am at work again. So that can wait. My friend is encouraging me to get back into painting which I used to do years ago. I hope to find a class after the summer break.
My friend has just gone home so I am on my own again and starting to feel crappy again, so this group is very welcome.
One of you said to decorate yourself...and I like that idea. I have some purple hair dye in the cupboard. I just might use that.

Thank you Phoenix...that was helpful. I have posted up my own thread now. I am so relieved to find this group here. I am in UK...not much support here for us, but lots for the coming out GBLT partner.