Hi

We are still living together at the moment while we let the idea of separation sink in and start to talk about practicalities of what we're going to have to do. I am still struggling with this adjustment and only really think I'm just getting over the shock of everything. It often doesn't feel real that this is even happening as we still get on as well as we ever have. Weirdly we can feel closer than we have in a long while, probably because we are both grieving together at the moment. I know that I will have to let go at some point, I just can't quite bring myself to do it yet. The only times I feel happy at the moment is when we are together. When I'm alone it feels too overwhelming thinking about how my life is going to be without her and I'm going to be alone again. It doesn't feel like I'll ever want to do this again with someone who isn't her, I really don't think I'll ever bother again. I'm in a battle between my head that knows this is the right thing to do now and my heart that is breaking and can't fully let go of the person I love more than anyone. I hope this will get easier with time and some more space between us, it just can still often feel impossible right now

My wife told me at the end of November that she thinks she might be gay. I'm 32M and she's 31F. We have been together 8 years and married for 1. She had told me early in our relationship that she had had a reasonably long online only relationship with a woman that she ended just as we were getting together, and so thought she was and identified to me and some others as bisexual which I've never had a problem with. She told me about her past relationships with men , none of which were good. Overall our relationship has always been good and there has been a lot of love and we have never had any major issues until now, but it is very hard to not question everything about our past now.

She grew up in a sheltered area, conservative parents etc and never really let her self explore any of her sexuality properly or that side of herself properly and thinks she may have suppressed things and never let herself really understand it. She is coming to more realisations about her past and trying to understand how she got to 31 without knowing this about herself.  I had always assumed she knew that she was attracted to women but was happy with me. It has been really hard to know that she hasn't been.

She recently had a very intense relationship/friendship with a gay female friend and that was the trigger for her now questioning if she might be gay and been able to admit she is more sexually attracted to women and she needs to explore this side of herself fully. She is now at a point where she thinks these questions won't ever go away for her unless she does everything she can to explore this fully. As we don't want to have an open relationship, this will likely mean the end of our marriage. 

She has had quite a lot of mental health issues in recent years and not been herself for a while and so I don't think she has been able think clearly or trust her thoughts for quite a long time. I have now come to realise that her mental struggles were a results of her understanding more