@Blackie563 At one point of my "journey" I would just filter your posts and read them because your words gave me so much strength. You chose to look for what you can learn from all of the mess life gave you, and in every word you write I feel your drive to move forward. I am so thankful that you are sharing here. I too tend to look at what I can learn from any situation in life but I can get caught up in my emotions and then my "progress" is slower. But I go so much quicker since all of it happened. Honestly, (and I am not blaming my ex for how I was living my life before), this whole thing helped me wake up and change my life so much. I live in the present, my heart is open, I see people more clearly... so many things got so much better. Anyway, thank you for being here.

@Elle I read your updates, I didn't reply but I really do care. Same as with Blackie (and many other people here) I am so thankful for meeting you here. Your honesty and directness helped me so much to get real and move forward faster than I otherwise would. I am sure the emptiness you still feel will get better with time as your heart and mind will start to fill with new "content". For me that was the hardest part- to rewire my brain and my heart. My life was so comfortable, and I shared it with a kind human- who can ask for anything more-right? And now when I look at the pictures of my past self I see an insecure  person who settled for comfort (and with that I just mean feeling emotionally safe) and didn't really live how she felt she should. I hope you stay on this forum for a very very long time. Your replies, especially to new people here bring so much comfort, strength and trust that these situations are survivable. Big hug to you.
 

Hey John!
Just read your story. I am sorry you are going through this.
You can read my posts, but in short- my ex also came out as bi. We are still in contact, but I haven’t asked in a long time what he identifies as (bi/gay) because it doesn’t matter to me. He lives with a man now.
You are at the beginning of this emotional rollercoaster, so try and remember that it will be lots of ups and downs. But it will get better and life can be amazing if you let it.
I still come to this site because I feel a connection with people here, and because I think it’s important to give support to others. But I have menaged to let go and enjoy my life. My separation gave me a new beginning in life and it’s great.
This was unimaginable to me as it happened 1,5 years ago.
Take care of yourself and trust your gut.
Love and a hug!

Malex wrote:

For the straight spouses out there, how did you move on? I was so attached to him and his family and still am. 
     Hey there. I was in a beautiful 13-year long relationship. Extremely attached to my partner, best friend…iI knew I will get over it but I had no idea how as it was the most painful thing I ever went through. It took me 13 months after the break up to finally see our relationship as something from my past. It is possible to move on, but it takes work. Also, grief comes in waves so don’t be hard on yourself.

Also- in the short time we have broken up, he just told me he got a woman pregnant.
      He sounds like an unstable mess. And he doesn’t even know it, which means that the thought of getting help did’t even cross his mind. People like that can only pull you down. You can have empathy for him, but noone should pull you down. Life will get easier for you without him every day, little by little.


YET, we had a cruise planned and he still wants me to go as "Friends".  Because he doesn't 'love the woman, and she is just his "Baby Mama". .  I have him blocked and I am not going on the cruise. But I am just so mad. Why can't he be true to himself and why is he dragging women into this chaos? My mind tells me I am better off without him, my stupid heart is still so sad. 
      Sadness will go away. But your sanity is very present and working for you.

Life will get better, even beautiful, I promise. Hug from me.

Hi and welcome!
I’m with Lily and Elle on this, and everyone you will meet here in this forum wiill tell you that this is not a behaviour of a straight man. Just trust your gut and dare to act out of your  needs and not out of fear. You will get through this.

With us it's like with you and your ex- we have so much love for each other. But we don't see each other much at the moment. We even live in the same building. As he came out I knew I wanted to move out quickly because being together in one apartment was torture, so I moved within the same building. He offered to move out but I knew I needed new walls around me, and there are also other reasons having to do with my job that make this building perfect for me. I realise that me knowing that he is still just one floor away doesn't make it easier for me, but that is just how it is. But I have to say, and this is bad, that it also feels good to know that he is close. 
tWe used to meet more often, talk, cry, or just call each other when one of us needed help with some tasks. Six moths ago his new partner moved in. Now, I really am not a jealous person. What he has with his new parter has nothing to do with me. But I still don't want any contact with his new person. I also know the story of how they met and moved in together, and it is a weird one (not just my feeling, everyone around my ex is confused by this). 
I would never ever interfere in their life, but my ex knows that if he talks to me, I will be honest. (He talked to me about his first gay relationship and it turned out exactly how I told him it would). So right now, my ex wants to live in his ""bubble", and talking to me would burst it. And I respect his life and his wishes, so I'm staying away. So for the last couple of months we see each other much less, and talk less. 
But the closeness between us is still there, and that is the most beautiful and painful part. I read somewhere that grief is just love with nowhere to go. I guess it is easier for him because he moved on, for me that part is the hardest. I will always love him, but I have to learn a new way to love him. And I  have absolutely no doubt that when more time passes we will be able to share more of our lives together and be there for each other,