OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
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| Support » To Frozen Heart » March 22, 2023 6:09 pm |
- FrozenHeart
- Replies: 10
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@Lilly... no, I don't have family and I have been isolated from my old friends ever since we were married. He wanted us only to socialize with his friends and his church and I slowly lost touch with everyone I knew before we were married. That's why I was so happy to find this site.
| Support » To Frozen Heart » March 21, 2023 6:25 pm |
- FrozenHeart
- Replies: 10
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Thank you, everyone. Your advice has been extremely helpful. This situation has nearly killed me.
I have started making plans to move on, and we have made some decisions together that have helped so far. I have started referring to him as "my gay roommate" and he actually doesn't mind being called gay in our home behind closed doors. He has the upstairs and I have the downstairs so although we live under one roof, we have our own separate "apartments" for now. I have reached out to 3 close friends in the last couple days and none of them were surprised to hear the news. I thought I would be a laughingstock, but it turns out all of them are furious with my GID for what he has put me through and have given me 1,000% support. Of course, my GID was horrified that I told my close friends, but oh well.
He keeps asking me to cuddle with him and be sweet because its so difficult for him, but I told him I have to have boundaries now. Cuddling and comforting him would just be too painful for me, and he just doesn't understand why. He thinks we can just go on as usual like nothing had changed, but he can't have me and his gay boyfriends, too. And I really don't care if he thinks I'm mean. After 10 years of gaslighting, I'm immune to his teary, manipulative BS. Sorry, not sorry. (hairflip)
| Our Stories » The Secret. » March 19, 2023 12:18 am |
- FrozenHeart
- Replies: 0
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Let me preface this with an apology for such a long post, and a deeply felt thanks for being able to share my story. I’ve had to play the part of a happy, supportive wife to my GID’s ministry and our church for the last ten years, and I have told NO ONE about the secrets I’ve kept for my GID. Its a relief to get this out.
…
Basically, my GID told me this week that he was “not straight”. He refuses to label himself as gay or homosexual.
Ten years ago just before our wedding, he told me he had “dabbled” in sex with other men in college. Just receiving oral, which to him wasn’t actually sex. He said it was all in his past and he was absolutely straight. However, he refused to have sex with me until we were married. He was planning to be a priest, you see… and he wanted our marriage to be holy.
Fast forward to our wedding night, and nothing. Just cuddling because he was tired. The next night he had a stuffy nose. For the next ten years I have heard every excuse in the book from erectile dysfunction to stomach problems to poor circulation and even “the house isn’t pristine (his word, not mine), so I can’t perform.” Except for occasional petting, our marriage has never been consummated.
To his credit, in many ways he was an amazing husband, and I wanted so badly to believe in him. I was truly in love with him and he says he loves me, but apparently he only married me because the church committee said he had to be married to become a priest. Also, he sincerely thought that if he got married, it would make him straight. He is naive about a lot of things in life, so that one I do believe. The morning after our wedding night I asked him how he felt. His reply? “Validated.”
Several times throughout our marriage, the subject of our sex life, or lack thereof has come up. One time he even told me he was 90% straight, whatever that means. But he promised to never, ever, ever cheat on me. He even used to preach
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