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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Please be aware this is a public forum, do not post any personally identifiable information you do not wish to make public.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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Support » The hits just keep on coming... » May 3, 2023 10:03 pm

Ipheloa
Replies: 1

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Not only is he trans and starting hormones, he has now revealed he is bisexual (he previously claimed pansexual, but was completely heterosexual most of our marriage.)
AND he says he has started fantasizing about gay male sex and watches a lot of gay and trans porn.
I feel completely duped and inadequate.  I feel I must not be good enough. 
I can't take this excruciating pain for much longer, but see no way out.  Can't afford to live on my own.  Stuck in a love filled but completely disheartening relationship.  I want to vomit I am so sad

General Discussion » Sex questions: where to get intercourse answer » March 10, 2023 3:37 pm

Ipheloa
Replies: 26

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Abby wrote:

This site might not be the best place to get answers to your questions. Since your spouse is a trans woman perhaps you might find out what sex could be like for you by looking into lesbian sexual activities.

I'm not asking how to have lesbian sex.  I'm asking about what the bedroom is like during medical transition.  I have questions about people's experiences of loss of what you know and enjoy and how to come to terms as a very very very heterosexual being.

General Discussion » Sex questions: where to get intercourse answer » March 10, 2023 2:42 pm

Ipheloa
Replies: 26

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Ok, I am a cis woman married to a trans woman, I just found out a week ago.
I had no idea.
I have a ton ton ton of questions, but the one troubling me today is how my sex life is going to change, assuming I can handle staying in this relationship.
I try looking it up on google searches, but everything is about how to please a trans woman.  Nothing I find talks about how my sex life is going to change.  Especially since when he disclosed, he told me he already started the process of requesting to start hormones.
WE have always had a good sex life.  I feel like I'm going to lose the things I like the most becasue he is going to physically change.  
I am trying to avoid being graphic in my questions, but want somewhere to ask these questions.
Anyone have some direction for resources?  I really want to know in general what to expect for me.
Thanks!

Support » What do you do when you are overwhelmed? » March 8, 2023 11:25 pm

Ipheloa
Replies: 12

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I can't do this.
I just can't.
I can't see where I'll be happy in this situation.
I can't see a silver lining or a happy ending.
I can't think without sobbing.
I want so desperately for this all to be over.
I want to be raw and hateful.
I can't see myself happy with a wife instead of a husband.
I can't see it.
This hurts so much I can't breathe.
He's trying to be understanding of my pain, and yet he wants me to be some happy go lucky supportive wife even though my world is caving in on me.  On the surface it all looks fine.  Inside I just want to die.  I can't do that to my kids, but I just can't right now. 
What's wrong with MY needs and MY feelings?  Why do I have to accept this?
Why am I expected to be all cheering section yay you because I love him?   This is telling me that if I love him, I have to just take it.  I get shoved to the corner so he can wave his flag and be patted and congratulated.  I am the one lost in this. 
I can't.

Support » Suggestions for couples help? » March 7, 2023 11:32 am

Ipheloa
Replies: 2

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Hi all.
This is my first post.
My husband disclosed his identity as a trans woman and wants to at least explore his feelings and start hormones last Wednesday.
I am not doing well at all with this.  My grief and depression are at epic levels.
But I see if we have any chance to come to an understanding or even a future, we need couples counseling, preferably with gender issues in mind.
Sadly, I am a working artist and he is a stay at home dad.  We have no flex room in our budget to pay for couples therapy outright.  My insurance kind of covers individual therapy (thank God I already have a therapist) but not group work or couples.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to get us the help we need without $?

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