Thank you all for your support. Most of you are further along in the process and though this road is all different for us, it does help me to think about all the possibilities that I could face. He has always handled the finances but he has never denied me anything financially. However, when I confronted him 3 weeks ago with what I had found out, he said maybe we should separate. He said in order to live separately that we would have to sell the house. Since we have lived in this house for over 20 years it requires some work so for now we could live separate lives under the same roof! Then I overheard him telling my brother this weekend that he is planning a trip to Africa. I kept my mouth shut as there were lots of people around but it made me realize that I do need to keep a closer watch on the finances. I really doubt he will go but then again I didn’t think he would do what he has already done.

Again, thanks for your thoughts and Good Luck tonight Elle on dropping the bombshell to your partner and adult children.

I am a 70 yr old straight woman, married over 46 years to a GID 71 yr old man. Our first few years of marriage were relatively “normal” sexually but after our 3rd child was born, 7 yrs after our marriage, things changed. He pulled away sexually with every ridiculous excuse in the book. My only thought at the time was that he wasn’t attracted to me due to excess weight. I spent years and loads of money trying to lose weight so he would find me attractive. Now I know why it didn’t work. We did get along in every other way except in the BR.

Fast forward to 7 yrs ago. I found a text message on his phone where it appeared he had plans to meet up with a man. I confronted him the next day and he said he didn’t know what I was talking about (the text was deleted) but I I know what I saw. Our lives continued on but I questioned myself and felt that I was and continue to live a lie. 

Then 3 weeks ago, I walked into the room and noticed him typing furiously on his tablet. When he left a few hours later, I read what he had been typing. He had been in a gay chat room and what I read was very graphic on what had been going on. He had been meeting men at a local hotel and had even asked someone to meet him at our married son’s house while they were away. I feel disgusted, angry, betrayed, disrespected, shamed and lied to. It took me a few days to process but sent him an email where I told him that I knew what he was doing and that I refuse to live this lie any longer and will not keep his secret any longer. I told him that he needs to seek help for his addiction to gay porn and the infidelity. He also needs to tell our 3 adult children. He admitted what he had done but threw the blame on me saying he was lonely. I calmly said “You are not going to blame this on me”.

He has said nothing about this the past 2 weeks and acts like nothing has changed. My therapist says I have every right to tell my kids but do I have the right to out him when he denies being gay? I