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February 4, 2023 8:15 pm  #1

A Life of Lies

I am a 70 yr old straight woman, married over 46 years to a GID 71 yr old man. Our first few years of marriage were relatively “normal” sexually but after our 3rd child was born, 7 yrs after our marriage, things changed. He pulled away sexually with every ridiculous excuse in the book. My only thought at the time was that he wasn’t attracted to me due to excess weight. I spent years and loads of money trying to lose weight so he would find me attractive. Now I know why it didn’t work. We did get along in every other way except in the BR.

Fast forward to 7 yrs ago. I found a text message on his phone where it appeared he had plans to meet up with a man. I confronted him the next day and he said he didn’t know what I was talking about (the text was deleted) but I I know what I saw. Our lives continued on but I questioned myself and felt that I was and continue to live a lie. 

Then 3 weeks ago, I walked into the room and noticed him typing furiously on his tablet. When he left a few hours later, I read what he had been typing. He had been in a gay chat room and what I read was very graphic on what had been going on. He had been meeting men at a local hotel and had even asked someone to meet him at our married son’s house while they were away. I feel disgusted, angry, betrayed, disrespected, shamed and lied to. It took me a few days to process but sent him an email where I told him that I knew what he was doing and that I refuse to live this lie any longer and will not keep his secret any longer. I told him that he needs to seek help for his addiction to gay porn and the infidelity. He also needs to tell our 3 adult children. He admitted what he had done but threw the blame on me saying he was lonely. I calmly said “You are not going to blame this on me”.

He has said nothing about this the past 2 weeks and acts like nothing has changed. My therapist says I have every right to tell my kids but do I have the right to out him when he denies being gay? I am not shocked at finding this out but sad and confused. I’m not sure I can ever trust him again. I am very scared as to what my future holds and the fear of being alone is terrifying. Right now, I plan on taking one step at a time but where it takes me, I’m not sure.

Sorry for the length of this but 46 years of lies takes a lot of space. Maybe I was just really stupid to think so little of myself to believe him.


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