On Jan 1 my wife of 13 years kind of sort of came out as gay.  She told me first- she wasn't feeling connected to me anymore romantically and thinks she may like women.  In the weeks that followed she has now clarified that she is gay.  Of course like most in this position, I've been on a rollercoaster since.

I have spoken with a few people other than my therapist about this.  Trying to make sense of next steps, kids, house, our friendship, partnership etc...  Today, on January 23 for the first time she asked that I not speak about this to anyone "we know" so as not to out her.  At the same time she said she wants me to seek support.  I should add that I'm an alcoholic in recovery- I say this because the process of recovery and the principles of AA have allowed me to learn how to open up and rely on peers for support and guidance.  I know I cannot do this alone and if I try to, it will not go well.

I disclosed to her that anyone I have talked to she knows, because she knows my circle.  She knew I spoke with my sponsor and and a couple other friends.  I really don't understand how to thread the needle of - go get help, but don't do it with anyone we know.  I disclosed to her that the only person I have spoken with that may give her concern is my brother.  She flipped out, which is uncommon.  She's accusing me of outing her and suggesting it is unethical, inappropriate and that I lied about it.  My gut tells me I did the right thing.  Whatever happens with the two of us, I believe it is appropriate for me to have one family member I can confide in with the knowledge that rocky times may be forthcoming.  She knows I found this group for support and said "I bet your support group doesn't recommend outing a spouse without talking to them first."

Did I do something wrong?

Have you experienced something similar?

Up to this point we have been so mutually supportive and communicating well, I'm worried it is now blown up.  Any advice?