Thank you Dutchman. In reply: 

1. ​Furthermore everyone is welcome in our church, as long as they behave orderly.

Does your church accept same-sex couples and gay members who openly have sexual relations/relationships with same-sex partners? Or would this be considered "disorderly"? 

2. This has nothing to do with love the sinner condemn the sin. ​(? and I don't see why you make this connection)

Some American fundamentalist/evangelical churches have shifted from condemning gay and trans people as "evil" to a more nuanced stance. Acceptance of same-sex marriage hovers around 70% in the United States. As such, fundamentalist churches (like the Mormons) have found themselves on the wrong side of public opinion when it comes to the LGBTQ community. As such, they've recycled that Catholic church trope which says: we love and accept you, but only if you remain celibate because homosexual sex is still inherently wrong, evil, and immoral. Is this your Evangelical church's stance as well? 

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I've enjoyed our exchanges. Be well! 

I'm reposting a debate I recently had on the MOM section with an Evangelical straight husband married to a lesbian wife. I'm doing so as I believe our very interesting exchange my eventually (and rightfully) be deleted by the forum moderators as I shouldn't have posted in the MOM section. 

Dutchman: I found this very interesting article/study on succesful MOM's. quoting from the absract: Mixed-orientation marriages (MOMs) are often misunderstood. There is a general cynicism in research literature and in the broader culture regarding the relational viability of same sex attracted (SSA) individuals who marry someone of the opposite sex. However, there exist couples in MOMs that are resilient and attain satisfaction. The purpose of this study is to better understand how MOMs might become successful https://digitalcommons.acu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1476&context=etd 

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Sean01: Thank you for sharing this. I question the validity of this article my friend because the author is a Masters candidate at Abilene Christian University who apparently interviewed a small sample of Mormon couples found via a Mormon non-profit called North Star International. How would you respond to the following citations:  

P. 11 "...approximately 15% of couples do stay together past the first three years..." suggesting there is an 85% failure rate in mixed orientation marriages.  

P. 26 "I [the author] acknowledge and am well aware that MOMs are more often than not unsuccessful and that this particular type of romantic relationship is not for everyone."  

Readers should also be aware of the potential research bias of the author, a Masters candidate at Abilene Bible College, namely:  

1. She interviewed only couples who had chosen to stay together in MOMs and apparently did not interview any couples who separated/divorced: "By not having interviewed individuals whose mixed-o

Thank you for responding Dutchman. In reply: 

1. Sean, it interests me not what you take from the article. You misunderstand the setup, intention and probably most of what the article is about.

Perhaps. What I take away from this article is that the author interviewed a handful of practicing Mormon couples who are all part of a Mormon group called North Star International; a group that promotes the idea that faith is an effective tool in overcoming same-sex attraction or transgenderism.   

2. If you're frustrated that there exist people who are perfectly happy in a fulfilling MOM, you should find a forum where you can utter your grievances and be comforted there.

This is an open forum friend. I always welcomed your frequent input on my thread without telling you to "go elsewhere" so I'd appreciate the same courtesy. With regards to mixed orientation marriages (MOMs), I have zero issue with you or any others who choose to remain in MOMs. You and your wife are clearly happy, even following your wife disclosing her attraction to women. But you are unique for two reasons: first, you are Evangelical Christians; and second, you are part of a very small minority of happy/successful MOMs.

What I take issue with are posts promoting essentially religious opinion pieces posing as serious research papers. This "study" interviewed a group of Mormons who are members of North Star: a conversion-therapy-like group based on Mormon principles. Here is the Mormon Church's stance on people like me: 

"Sexual relations are reserved for a man and woman who are married and promise complete loyalty to each other. Sexual relations between a man and woman who are not married, or between people of the same sex, violate one of our Father in Heaven’s most important laws and get in the way of our eternal progress."

The author simply regurgitates the Mormon/Evangelical narrative that strong religious beliefs = successful gay/straight marriages. The

Rose does "out finally" mean that you have "moved out" and separated? Feel free to post an update friend. Be well! 

Thank you for the clarifications Alex. In reply: 

1. Therapy wise - it is option #3. My husband also continues individual sessions with his therapist on a fortnightly basis and we do couple's counseling on a fortnightly basis.  The therapeutic contract for his individual sessions has shifted to adjusting our marriage to his sexuality rather than it just being gay/bi affirming.

Understood. 

2. I think you are misreading our porn arrangement. We never agreed for him to NEVER watch porn again - it's unrealistic and pointless. He resolved (without me asking!) to give it up for a year.

I'll bet you a pint he doesn't make it past three weeks. 

3. If you are telling me that only 0.01% of men are capable of doing this - I really worry about the state of the world. I mean, how compulsive do you have to be???

I myself am a recovering porn addict (9+ years porn-free) so I know the struggle. Porn addiction is a process addiction, like gambling, internet addiction or compulsive shopping. If your husband was using porn compulsively, he will likely make it about 3-4 weeks on his own - it's called white-knuckling - and then start watching it again. I'd suggest telling him that you're not against the porn, then leave the door open for future discussions about porn if/when he secretly starts watching it again. I've coached/sponsored porn addicts for the last 7 years; 99% of them relapse. 

3. Also, keep in mind, there is a lot more sexual fun in our lives now, which is be better than porn ;)

Good for you! One of the side effects of long-term porn addiction is erectile dysfunction. If he's having performance issues with you, it might be caused by associating sex/sexuality with screens rather than human beings. 

4. I am not going to waste my energy monitoring him, but he knows damn well that any lie for me now means he's out - whether it is related to sexuality or not.

Fair! Thanks for the updates. Be well.