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Our Stories » New Here...Our story so far » April 5, 2022 11:31 pm

Weemee
Replies: 0

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6/4/2022

On the 4th February this year, I discovered that my partner of 2.5 years had downloaded the Grindr app, and had been conducting himself sexually with men on line.

As you will all understand, I was broadsided out of a comfortable, loving, existing, caring and ,what on the surface was a deeply trusting relationship, into utter turmoil.

My immediate thought and reaction was that he is gay, a thought that he completely denies to date.

I was fortunate, or unfortunate enough, not to have seen the contents of the messages he had sent to men, and so have no idea as to the depth he has explored his sexuality.

Initially, he claimed to be 100% straight, however after much probing, discussions and a stripping back of the lies he was telling himself, has conceded that this is not the case, and we both agree that this is not the case.

He claims he is neither gay nor bi, has not had sexual contact with a man (other than messaging on grindr) and has no desire to be in a relationship or have sex with a man, and claims this was a sexual fantasy that went too far as a result of feeling unloved in the relationship.

I am 47 and he is 50 and both came to this relationship later in life, with all our baggage from life bulging with negative experiences.

I have a string of abusive relationships behind me and after the last (in 2016) I engaged with therapy, worked on boundaries, my co dependent behaviour, childhood sexual abuse and the relationship I had with myself.

I had set boundaries to protect myself in a new relationship, and when we met I kept those boundaries in place, however it would now seem those boundaries have acted in a way which led him to feel unloved...(even when writing this that statement seems absurd.)

He on the other hand has not delt with the deeper issues brought on by his mother's alcoholism, an aggressive step father, childhood abuse, and time spent in the care system. This has led to him having 2 failed marriages behind him.

In the early d

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