Anon2222 wrote:

......You are in the enviable position of not yet being married to this man......

This!!!!

Elle
 

gwendolyn_C wrote:

Thelight - GID husbands will take you on their roller coaster! Trust me - signs have been there for years and we Straight Spouses ignore/tolerate for the sake of the 'children' and wanting to hold our families together. But we were slowly dying because we are abandoning our basic human needs. Don't let your GID Husband control this narrative. It's ok for you to share and seek support. Remember, he's dealing with his Shame but don't let it become yours. Don't isolate yourself and be his beard! I'm not encouraging 'outing' him but it's ok to confide in your mutual friends (even if he knows them). Prioritize your well-being, it's crucial for your strength and resilience. 

This is a great comment and such good advice. And you will have to see more than the light. You have to see the door to the outside that the light is coming from. Then you have to focus on you, not him, to make your best decision for your life

Elle
 

dd wrote:

. 

At this point, I genuinely believe I am "fine" with him sleeping with other men, based on the fact that it has norried me before, in my other relationship with a bisexual.

If my current partner shows me that he can satisfy my sexual needs and otherwise remain present in the relationship, I do not see too many barriers to staying with him.
.

 
I think you're looking for support in the wrong forum. This one is for straightspouses who have been devastated by their LGBTQ others and deciding their direction. You around like you have yours planned already

E

Edited to add... don't LET him rip your heart out dd. Use your head and see what is happening

This is just the beginning. Your heart is  with everything good you had, and still have, with this man. He's found you, he's wrapped you up in his love and convinced you that, r'ship-wise, you're both so good together...why throw it away? If course he says he still desires you. He probably does sometimes (if he does he may not be gay, more bisexual?)

I had a few red flags I ignored in my r'ship. He said one day he was fine with me going away with another man for a few days. I didn't, I never would have...what the fuck!

But you have possibly given him the idea that you're okay with him seeing others and once you say, or even appear to him to say "yes sure go ahead!"... give them an inch (and I'm not talking cocksize) and they'll take a mile.

You have a lot of thinking to do. Keep posting here, ask questions. There will always be somebody reading and answering.

It took me years to finally realise what having sex with a man who was having sex with others was doing to my self-esteem. And a few more years to leave him

Elle

Thelight wrote:

.....The weird thing is he isn’t that mean right now just living in the house we are just going through the motions. He tells me he hasn’t ever had sex with a man. I don’t know if I believe him or not. Should I?

 

Whether he has or hasn't....whether he's talked to a million men about doing it and backed out at the last minute, or actually has had sex with a man and doesn't want to upset his secret life.....doesn't matter. What matters is do you think you'll always be wondering if he's telling you the truth or telling a lie to keep from blowing up your life?

E