MJM017 wrote:

Consider what you would do if she did admit it. Would you stay? Would you separate? Would you attempt to open the marriage so you could experience sexual intimacy? Work from there is my suggestion. She may never tell you. Mine never did no matter how hard I tried.

I finally left my late exh because of his abusive behavior. Am sure a lot of it was fueled by him being in the closet. It was hell being used as a whipping post and free money tree. He manipulated me to get all the freebies for life. It felt like I was liberated from indentured servitude when I threw him out. That's no hyperbole.

I can understand the need to know. There's no shame taking steps to find out. You may want to hire a private detective. You might want to act as your own using steps written by Upside, a poster whose wife was a closeted lesbian.

https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=2442

Even if i know that she is Gay, I have no options left. I cannot have an open marriage. She needs me to provide her and our kids.

If i know, at most i will stop beating up myself and where i lack. My expectations will be set.

I doubt i will ever get a divorce, as she does not work, have 2 kids and one of them was born through IVF. I love them more than life itself. 
 

Ordinary guy wrote:

bandala33 wrote:

I feel that she is too afraid of her own sexuality and also treats me more as a provider for her and our kids. I am the only one, who works and She has never worked during our marriage.

she is also very possessive, and will account for every minute of my time. Even when i go shopping for groceries, she will keep track of my time.

We are a good Little family for any outsider, except that there is no lovemaking between us or even romance between us. I work, buy, shop, play with kids, read books to them, work in my garden and sleep. I also masturbate in secret and sometimes watch porn alone and masturbate and then go to bed and sleep.

A lot of you have asked me to talk to her and ask her about the situation. We have such a tense relationship about sex and any intimate topics that i am literally shit scared to talk about this topic. As i said previously, she treats me like a kid, I am scared of her. 

Why? What is she going to do to you? You sound like the only actual adult in the household and, as you say “the provider”. The closer I got to the truth, the more vitriolic the response became. This is an attempt to throw you off the scent by projecting their inner most angst onto you. What about the husband of the friend? Can you speak to him?

In the first few years of marriage, we had a very tumultuous family life. She takes offense at every thing. Once we had an argument while driving and she threatened to jump off the car on an interstate. We come from a very conservative family and background, where things like Gay relationships are not even discussed. I am not sure how even she will react to it. 

I an 41 year old, She is 35 years old. Been married for 12 years, have 2 kids. First One born through IVF. Through the entire married life, never had a great sex life.  Now we have sex at most once a month. She is never interested in it and even if i approach, i mostly get a push back. 

We never talk about sex or anything related to it. There is no more intimacy but just responsibility of me providing, working and taking care of kids. 

Even When we do it also, she never lets me watch her private parts. It has to be in the dark. In 12 years of marriage i have never been permitted to even see her private part or let alone touch it or perform oral on her.   She never even talks to me in a romantic manner. Affectionate with me, but never intimate or romantic.  She is dominant and treats me like a kid and wants me to eat fully and heavily. She will let me drink or eat any amount. She will cook any meal i want,  I have gained 60 pounds in last 5 years. The Only person she is interested in talking about her feelings/everything  is her one girlfriend of childhood. She talks to her 7-8 hours a day. i have seen messages bordering on romantic feelings between them. But she does not even like talking about any topic involving Gay relationships with me, if i bring it up. She feels uncomfortable. After we watched a movie based on lesbian relationship between 2 married women, she discussed about the movie in an excited manner. But suddenly in between the conversation, she stopped it and dismissed my thoughts as though she realized something. I think internally she is ashamed of her feelings.  I have found her to be excited when we watched a couple of movies involving intimate scenes between women. 

She has mentioned it multiple manner in a funny manner that since we are getting old, we don't need to have sex any more. She loves the kids a lot and loves me also. I love her a lot and highly attached. But just frustrated with the lack of any intimacy. i have also gotte