OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
* Opinions posted here, including that of the Administrator, are the poster's own and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of OurPath.
* As a peer-to-peer network, any advice given is that of a peer, based on personal experience, and should not be considered professional in nature.
* Any discussion of LGBT related issues is acceptable provided it remains constructive and respectful of other viewpoints. Hateful, degrading, or prejudiced speech and/or personal attacks will not be tolerated.
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| Support » I feel helpless » April 15, 2021 6:02 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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lily wrote:Hi John, hang in there, moment by moment - this is really awful shockingly painful news you are getting now. It is a while ago for me now but I do remember it was really bad, and I am grateful that I am free of my ex.
That's the silver lining to the black cloud - as the rose coloured glasses fall away from your eyes and you see your wife as she really is you are being liberated from a relationship to someone who has been using you.
and it's more. once you stop believing her lies about you you regain your sense of yourself.
be kind to yourself, look after yourself well - you are going through a rough time.
wishing you all the best, Lily
Thanks- It's been a rough road the last few weeks. The road to recovery will be long, but I'll make it.
| Support » I feel helpless » April 15, 2021 5:59 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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EmpathyStarved wrote:
John Doe,
I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. I was in your shoes last August when I discovered my husband of 12 year's secret. He denied being gay for a brief moment (called himself curious and then bisexual) and then admitted he's always known he was gay and wanted a divorce.
Those first few days/weeks were filled with such intense emotion and I remember being panicked, feeling lost and hopeless, and having no idea where to turn, but it does get easier. There is a wealth of wisdom and support here on this board, and it definitely helps to know that you're not alone.
My only advice would be to focus on yourself. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself permission to feel all the feels. My initial instinct was to protect, support and help heal my poor struggling husband, but I quickly realized that was wasted energy. He had already moved on and was happily cruising the internet and apps for his next relationship.
Sending big virtual hugs. Be well.Thanks-
This support group/forum has helped immensely. I really felt alone at first- but it helped to read the stories of others here that were/are in the same boat. Enrolling in therapy has also been a tremendous help.
| Support » I feel helpless » April 15, 2021 4:47 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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Rob wrote:
John doe,
And therein lies the horribleness and moral wrong of TGT...that these.spouses knew it... but in the eyes of the law are entitled.
Just remember she is entitled to half the debt also.
For me my GX was so horrible.its worth every penny to be away from her.
Move on with your life. God knows and sees .Thanks- I'm doing my best. One day at a time. Sometimes... it's just one hour at a time.
| Support » I feel helpless » April 14, 2021 7:05 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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Unfortunately the truth is just now starting to come out. I was alerted to her having numerous online (TikTok) relationships and she is constantly on the phone day and night. She has been leading an underground online life for sometime now.
She also admitted to knowing back in high school about being a lesbian- but she always wanted kids. Apparently I've been nothing more than a sperm donor and a source of income for her. I will now be her source of retirement as we live in a no fault divorce 50/50 (or even 60/40) state.
| General Discussion » "What they don't know will hurt them" » April 11, 2021 1:41 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 3
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Wow- this hit home for me. Absolutely spot on.
| Support » I feel helpless » April 5, 2021 4:20 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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Thank You all so much for the responses. I genuinely appreciate the much needed advice and encouragement.
I just received 3 books (that SSN recommends) and will start reading them tonight-
Thanks again everyone.
| Support » I feel helpless » April 3, 2021 1:49 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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Thanks for the responses and support everyone. I'm doing my best to keep it together. Therapy starts next week and I have a few legal consultations next week as well.
Never in a million years did I think I would ever have to go through this.
I'm still trying to process everything that has happened in the last few weeks.
Thanks again everyone.
| Support » I feel helpless » April 2, 2021 1:15 pm |
- John Doe
- Replies: 14
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My beautiful wife of 21 years just came out as a Lebian on March 12. I was absolutely blindsided.
One of the signs was there; the intimacy stopped about 5 years ago- she claimed it was because of her weight and she didn't feel attractive. I still found her very attractive and I let her know that.
When she came out, she immediately said she no longer wanted to be married. I was devastated, crushed and heartbroken. I'll admit it- I broke down and cried. The only woman I ever loved and wanted to go through life with no longer loves me.
I'm sure this wasn't easy for her and I'm trying to support her the best I can.
How does the straight spouse recover?
I've never felt so helpless, lonely and empty in my entire life.
Thanks
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