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Welcome to the OurPath (formerly Straight Spouse Network) Open Forum.
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
If this does not apply to your topic, please find another forum.
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Support » Straight man losing his wife » March 25, 2017 6:11 am

DaveMack
Replies: 7

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Hi folks, thanks for the support.
My STBXGW and I have always had a very open line of communication, so I told her that I talked to a lawyer and of the costs associated.  It's going to wreck me - between support, alimony, and trying to pay a mortgage, there's nothing left.  So I'm afraid.
We've also just finished furnishing out the basement, so there's a chance that I can live down there and we continue to cohabit for a while, until she actually finds a job.
But I still crave her touch, her warmth.  She's been my partner for nearly half of my life.
I was very hesitant to come here for support, because it felt like an admission that there wasn't a marriage left to save.  But then I think back to that she went on a coming out support board within 3 weeks of us starting to discuss her orientation, and I wonder if that's fair.

Support » So my wife is coming out as a lesbian... » March 23, 2017 9:21 am

DaveMack
Replies: 26

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Hey Zenslug.

Hope you're doing ok.  I appreciate hearing your story as it's similar to my own.
STBGXW on my side is only out to me, therapist, and one friend.  So we haven't told our kids or our extended family yet.  I would want to reconcile, but I'm realizing that it ain't happening and I need to let it go.
Rob's post early on in this thread struck a tone with me - I feel like I've been so supportive up until now, and now it's time to look out for #1 (+ kids.)  I'm about done with being supportive, because I'm a wounded animal right now.

Best wishes,
Dave

Support » How do I survive this? » March 23, 2017 9:11 am

DaveMack
Replies: 298

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Hey Lostdad.

Thanks for writing all these posts, and thanks to the community for your support.
I'm at the upstream end of the process, but seeing your happiness coming out the other side makes me optimistic.

All the best.

Dave

Support » Straight man losing his wife » March 23, 2017 8:43 am

DaveMack
Replies: 7

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Hi.  I wish I didn't have to be here.  I think we all wish the same.  I'm filled with grief and rage.  Zenslug, Lostdad, hi.  I read your stories and we are in similar straits.

I'm a late 30s man, been married for 11 years to a woman I met in college.  We started dating, fell in love, and got married after her graduation.  I'm 2 years older.  We now have 3 wonderful children, daycare to elementary age.  She's a SAHM who hasn't worked outside the house in 9 years.  I come from a well-off family, she does not.  She was never abused or sexually active until our relationship, and she claims to have never been interested in women until just this last year.

She's never cheated on me.  I've never cheated on her.  She's had libido issues on and off, and mild depression through our 15-year relationship.  And now she's gay, despite never being with another woman, I'm sleeping upstairs and sharing a bathroom with my son, and I can't stand to see her because it makes me so sad.

I'm fearful of posting anything here that might lead to legal prejudice, because I love my kids and want to keep them in my life.  But I feel it's her internal decisionmaking that's destroying my family and everything I've built.
Our relationship now is purely transactional.  She takes care of the kids, food, housework; I supply financial support so we can afford our life, and I play with the kids separate from her when I'm home from work at my 50 hr/wk job.

She wants to be friends while and after we separate.  I don't - because I blame her.  I want to be cordial and polite.

I'm working through this with my therapist, and she's working with her (lesbian) therapist.  I've been nothing but supportive with her discovery process, and now I'm done being supportive because she says there's nothing left for us upon which to build a marriage.

I've been on MMOMW for a while now, but this morning I sent a request to SSN for support, because "making it work" doesn't seem to be in the cards

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