Bec, 
He may never admit it and trying to get him to is a futile, exhausting effort.  Keep going.  The important thing is you know what you want and I agree with JKPeace, keep going, even if baby steps.  Clarity will come in all forms.  As for the kids, kids are resilient, and they know more than you think.  What message do you want to send your kids?  Staying married has nothing to do with loving them.  It has everything to do with them feeling loved, from both parents, and not put in the middle.  You and your kids deserve happiness, not looking over your shoulder all the time wondering if he's lying.  As for guilt, I would say this:  stop beating yourself up.  Think how awful the kids life will be knowing you are miserable and staying in your marriage for them.  All kids need is to feel safe and loved.  How old are your kids? 
It's not ugly to state what you want and need, though our GID will always deflect guilt and shame on us.  It's much easier for them to not face the truth of what they've done.   You can keep it as civil as you want, and when it gets to a point where you feel you can't, let your attorney step in.  I had to do that, because he kept trying to get me into the dirt, and I wasn't interested.  So I offered my attorney a flat fee with clear instructions of what I wanted the outcome to be, and let him do all the work.  My work was on healing.  
You can do this.  Keep posting and we are all here, totally getting it, and cheering for you and your kids. 
M

I remember telling my spouse I knew who he was before he had the courage to tell me.  He blatantly lied to my face and said I was crazy.  I knew I wasn't.  So I left.  I loved myself more than I loved him, and I did love him.  Very much.  He was who I chose to spend my life with.  He was who I chose to leave when I knew in his heart (and mine) he could never give me what I needed.    
I didn't want to throw him a party, or give him a cake, or plaster congratulations on highway billboards. I wanted to hide under the covers and sleep all day.  Or I wanted to drive, and keep driving until I couldn't drive anymore.  I wanted to run....far away.  But I didn't.  I put my chin up, wiped my tears, and knew I would make it.  He cried and begged me to stay, and build a life, and have kids.  It was incredibly painful for both of us.  He chose to act in a different way--by lashing out at me, by telling lies about me, by isolating me from his family and our mutual friends. I offered no free passes for the choices he made.  I was angry. But I never got down in the dirt, as hard as he made it for me.   I continued walking and didn't look back until I was strong enough to face the lies head on and respond to them.  
I did not believe and still do not believe that anyone on the boards has hatred for gay people.  But there is so much anger and focus on THEM.  The ones who broke our hearts.  The ones who wronged us.  To pity them would be ridiculous.  To have empathy and compassion by trying to see where they are coming from?  Maybe not so ridiculous.  My point was more toward the fact that even though people know deep inside who they are, they want something else because of what surrounds them. Or they do something they think they are supposed to.  Or they really do love.   They believe it can work.  They love the best they know how.  And when the reality sets in of who they are and where they have ended up, they either stay in the closet forever, or the

Fantastic!

Hiker 33, Glad you found our corner of the world.  Sorry you're here, but we all get it, and we've been where you are.  Many of us are here to show that there is life, happy life, on the other side.    You'll be ok.

For most of us, losing our partner whom we thought we could depend on, was the crusher.  When you build life on what you thought was truth and it turns upside down into lies, it's devastating.  Top that off with questioning reality, and you have the Bermuda triangle, like you are disappearing.  It sucks beyond words. 

As for sleep, if you are a non-drug guy, sleep machines and melatonin can work wonders, as can just decompressing with the lights off and laying down either in bed or on the ground listening to whatever music soothes you.  I particularly enjoyed a piano sequence called Piano Reflections by Kelly Yost.  It's lovely and soothing.  It may even help you fall asleep.  

Hugs going out to you.  Hang in there. 

myhubby&hisgaypriestlover.....

How are you doing?