My husband of almost 11 years came out to me at the beginning of this year. A few years prior (around 2021?) he came out to me as bisexual. I accepted it and never once gave it a second thought. It never gave me cause for concern for our relationship. We both come from conservative upbringings, but are in completely different places in life now, no longer religious. Since his coming out, I have learned directly from what he's shared with me that he's dated both men and women in his past. He has a complicated relationship with his parents (his mom has since passed), and his same sex attraction was never accepted growing up. He was made to feel ashamed and wrong, and endured some emotional and physical abuse. He grew up in a highly religious environment in the south where he claims to have felt like it wasn't safe for him to be gay/bisexual (I respect and validate his feelings). Since my husband's coming out to me as gay earlier this year, I've also come to learn - again, directly from him - that he's come out to others in his past. This was NEVER disclosed to me when we met, NEVER disclosed when we got married, and NEVER disclosed before we had our two children. 

When he came out to me, it was after we had moved to a new state away from our family and friends. I had just started a new job, and my mother was dying from late stage dementia. The timing of everything was absolutely awful, but I don't believe it was my husband's intention to blow everything up when he did. The conversation in which he came out was totally organic, and unplanned. We had been feeling some distance since our move 1.5 years prior, and seemed to be having some difference in fundamental views/beliefs. We stopped communicating, and we felt more like roommates more than two people in love. To say I was devastated, though, was an understatement. We assumed the most logical step was divorce. This meant breaking up our little family of four. The stress of everything hit me so hard that it quickly