I guess I'm technically in a MOM, lol. My husband of 11 years (together 13) came out as bisexual a few years ago, and in January of this year came out as gay. Like many of you, I now have a complex and unique relationship. Reading through this forum has been incredibly insightful and validating. Thank you, all, for being so vulnerable and supportive!

Since my husband's initial disclosure, he's been very open about his sexual history. I've come to learn that he's dated both men and women before me, and has even come out to a very select few in his past. None of this was disclosed to me at any point when we met, when we got married, or when we had two children together. 

After his coming out as gay, I ended up in a behavioral health hospital. I couldn't cope with all the stress accumulating in my life at that time. Along with grieving the loss of my marriage, my mother was also dying from late stage dementia (she's since passed), and I had just started a new job (literally - one week in). We had moved to a new state only one and a half years prior, away from our family and friends, so my support network was limited.

When I came back home from the hospital, my husband and I realized neither of us truly wanted a divorce, and we made the decision to stay together. We have a genuine love, care, and attraction for each other. He now identifies as demisexual, and acknowledges he has childhood trauma surrounding his sexual orientation (he and I both grew up in religious, conservative environments where being anything but straight was unacceptable. We no longer practice religion, and have completely different beliefs now as adults.). He thanks me all the time for being a safe space for him. 

So, SHORT STORY LONG (good grief, thanks for still reading, lol), we're 11 months into our (continued) monogamous marriage, and things are much better. We are healthier as a couple, and much more connected. I, of course, still deal with the emotional toll of betrayal trauma, but I am working on centering myself and healing. We did some couples therapy, and I then I continued on with individual therapy.

Never in a million years would I have ever seen myself in this situation, but here we are. Life's a gamble, isn't it? As Drew Carey jokingly says, it's a game where everything's made up and the points don't matter (Whose Line Is It Anyway reference, IYKYK)!

Anyway, I don't have any strategies to share or questions at this moment, but I just wanted to pop on here and get involved, as I'm sure I'll be a longtime lurker, lol. There is some fantastic insight and advice on here. 

Last edited by rl1987 (November 13, 2025 6:54 am)