As a lawyer, my advice is to make sure you have an excellent lawyer.  Leave nothing on the table and look out for yourself because he sure as heck has looked out for himself.  Time to turn the tables.  Good luck!

Yeah, they are really into bending the rules that we thought we had mutually agreed upon when entering into our marriages or relationships.

As for forgiveness, I redefined it as letting go of my anger toward my ex-wife so I could be civil to her as the mother of my children and not allowing my anger toward her to prevent me from finding happiness with someone else.  She screwed up my past (which I couldn't control), and I'm not going to allow her to screw up my future (which I can control).

No matter how you look at it, cross dressing is not something that a straight dude wants to do. Like ever.

"I am by no means perfect and I have made my share of mistakes along the way."  STOP RIGHT THERE.  Your only mistake was never being the gay man he lacked the courage to tell you he needed instead.

As for why he hates you?  It's because he operates with fundamentally different emotional and logical circuitry than most people do.  "Normal" people (and no, I do not mean non-LGBT+) do not hijack other people's lives like this, so don't expect him to behave the way you would.  And he's probably finding it easier to leave someone he distances himself from.  My ex-wife freaking hated my guts on her way out.  She was a malevolent, nasty human being toward me so she could make it easier to leave me.

Here's a stupid analogy, but I think it works.  Your husband is into Mexican food, but he instead goes to visit a French restaurant.  Does it make any sense for him to criticize the chef for not having nachos on the menu?  Or to dislike the crepes?  To scream at the outstanding selection of French wine?  Of course not.  That French restaurant has no ability to please him, and he's a selfish dumbass for complaining or throwing shade at the French chef.

Like Rob says, get far away.  Build those boundaries.  Don't engage unless your life depends upon it.  I'm sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

We understand.

Your reaction is normal and indeed healthy.  You probably didn't give him a hall pass to have gay, extramarital sex as a condition of your marriage.  You probably didn't know he was same-sex attracted, and he should have shared that information with you prior to marriage.  He's completely bombed the foundation of the marriage that he mislead you into believing.  And the problem isn't your reaction -- it's his selfish and deceptive actions that logically caused your reaction.

The most important advice I can give you is the advice that another straight partner gave me:  "The first and most necessary step in healing a wound is to remove the blade that caused it."  The only way to get to "better" is to build a new life that doesn't involve being married to a cheating, same-sex attracted, deceptive spouse.

I'm going to have the courage to describe these relationships what they are: abusive relationships.  Consider the description of abusive relationships from the website of the National (US) Domestic Violence Hotline.  "Domestic violence ... is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship."  (https://www.thehotline.org/identify-abuse/understand-relationship-abuse/).  And even more basically, we were used for an improper purpose, which is being the most important prop in a play that our in-denial spouses didn't have the integrity to admit they were staging.  These are abusive relationships.

And like any abusive relationship, the only way to "better" is though the door marked "Exit".  In the case of every single straight partner I have met, this has been universal.

I'm sorry you are here, but keep posting because we are here for you.