brooksey,

I'm going to approach this from a  different angle than all the rest. I have been through exactly what you have but I was married to the Gay man for 47 years so I am suffering a substantial loss of life.  I am 67 years old. I am now 18 months past me throwing him out and 2 days ago my divorce was final. I don't love him anymore because he has no integrity and even less decency. That's not someone I would ever love. Let's insert some reality here. I rescue dogs as well and I cannot ever imagine saying I love them and then considering ending my life leaving them behind to fend for themselves all over again  because I am this miserable (and I am just like YOU are-same exact place). I made a promise to care for them and I'm going to KEEP IT. They only have me and I only have them. I'm not going to come out of being in a marriage where I despise him for not keeping his promises to me and then turn around and break the promise I made to my dogs. DO NOT get any more dogs until you resolve some of this sadness and rise up to move on ahead (and you will). I was horrified at that suggestion (but then again, she's playing some sort of therapist here instead of comforting those who stop by here in shock and I don't care for her anyway). Dogs, especially those who need rescuing, don't need another temporary commitment.  What I am saying here is think of your dogs and making loving them and receiving the love you obviously receive from them, your focus. My three dogs have saved my life and bridged this horror. We are a surviving family and the best.  I owe them everything and you can bet I'm not going to end my life because of this man and his well hidden sexual preference that isn't me. I've had 3 therapists for the last 18 months - with all addressing difference aspects of this and giving me considerably better direction as a team than just one therapist's opinion. ALL have CREDENTIALS - not anonymous posters posting on any website. You say you love your GID hus

NO Kel. I don't think "most of us wanted to remain friends with our spouses after they did this to us."

That's ABSURD. Nobody wanted to offer a friendship to someone that lied and destroyed our marriages. Trust is valued in every friendship, not just marriage.

You can't make a friend out of someone who has so little regard for the marriage you are in with them. By the same token, your husband isn't a friend. He's a husband and considerably higher and more valuable on the relationship scale. Not many friends have sex with each other but spouses do. 

 

I think we need to spread out the power and wealth of experience with more posters. It's gotten down to a handful of regulars that are too busy patting each other on the back to notice there are new people that are so obviously at the beginning stages of this kind of event and they aren't here to experience a mutual admiration society.  I'm bringing this up because it's now everywhere and after being gone for a few months, I can see it's a big prob. 

Let's get back to the enormous amount of valuable information and kick the ego to the curb.



 

Ellexoh,

Your husband is already out of your marriage. He's simply manipulating you to limit what he imagines will be a really terrible breakup of a long term marriage with a nasty divorce. I tried to endure it for 46 years and it ended up the same. Horrendous pain. Mine wanted me to look the other way while he dated and had sex with all kinds of women and then men for years. I was his meal ticket, gardener, nanny and the woman who took care of him when he was very ill.  I finally threw him out. His bed ended up on the front lawn of my million dollar home in March of 2016 put there by me experiencing an adrenalin rush. I added his crapped up Jockey shorts from his Gay hookups on Craig's list. The neighbors all saw it. My divorce (after almost 50 years of being with him) will be final in late Dec of this year. Don't wait. Take control of your own future and life. This isn't something you can work on and alter.  According to what I researched decades ago and then got confirmation of from therapists, there is NO CHANCE of having it work. Virtually none. You have already lost 32 years. Don't waist anymore of your life. One of the things I choke on daily in fits of anger is why someone like me would wait all these years when I knew what he was. He wasn't a husband to me on ANY level. He was completely detached. I was the wrong gender for him to BE interested. He cheated with women first and I thought he was BI but then he finally came out as Gay. That's typical. It's a transitional attempt to switch from their wife to the gender they are actually interested in. 

All of us can see what your situation is. We've lived it. We don't come from a place of harsh opinions or judgment. We simply want to spare you the extended heartache. You'll end up at the same place. I'm sorry you have spent 32 years with him. I know exactly how you feel only I waited even longer. Don't follow my example. Throw him out and get on with your valuable life. The ONLY power you have left is to t

The wild excuses some of these men have when caught is just laughable. 

F'inglies - He didn't have time to "explore" because you married young? OMG. Ridiculous!  Straight males don't "explore" sex with other males. One thing they all seem to have in common when caught. They come back with some of the most ridiculous excuses for not considering their straight spouse. 

Mine never said that. He just called me crazy when I caught him. At 66 he had decades of spinning up outrageous excuses. He lies like I breathe and he does it very well.