It is difficult because we're not supposed to be living like we think our spouses might be undercover agents for another country. We care for them. If they say they're sick, or have ED, needed to work late constantly, spend hours at the gym, etc. we believe them. Until we have a reason to no longer trust them, but we're generally not looking for it. 

If you want the perspective of someone who lived a double life, you might want to post some of these questions on Sean's thread. However, there are numerous cases detailed here from people who had a spouse living a secret double-life, sometimes for decades. Clarification and truth from the in-denial spouse sometimes never happens. You need to decide when you know enough. Decide on the future you want and start taking steps towards it, even if they are small ones. Don't let the distance dissuade you. All journeys start with a first step.

Go easy on yourself. Most of us never saw this coming. Then, in hindsight, we notice subtle clues. But, in all honesty, we're not supposed to spend the years wondering if our partners are less than 100% on board and upfront with us. Take time for yourself. Counseling can be good. Think about your future, both possible futures. Whatever happens, there is life on the other side. 

Devastated2024 wrote:

I just can't let this end. My life is (was) amazing and I am just terrified of letting go. I need to hear from her it's over for me to take the next step and try to figure this out and move on. I am worried that even if she were to decide to stay, I wouldn't be able to trust the situation and would always be worried this would happen again or she would grow the need to step out.
I just don't know what to do and I just constantly want to cry. I feel horrible and it's been three weeks already

This is common amongst us. We didn't change. Most who come here are initially looking for any magic solution that will put it back together. There isn't one. Then there is the other thing you mentioned. Now that this is out, can you really put it back in the bottle ? It will always be there, like a ghost.

There is one thing I'm certain of, it takes two equally committed people to make any marriage work. If there's some same-sex-attraction in the mix, it takes even more mutual work and commitment. Neither one of you can save this on your own. It's a recipe for turning your life into a joyless existence. You deserve better. And do not forget that your child will be witness to this life. Mom and Dad, together, and not happy, sets their expectations for their own future. 

Glad you have some support lined up. Whatever happens, it is possible to get through this. 
 

Please take this as cautionary advice, not war tactics, cold or otherwise.
I think many of us want to believe that our spouses will be fair and reasonable, but that's not always the case.

I would also caution you on anticipating any support from your in-laws. Take any you get as a bonus.
They may not approve of her actions but supporting you, in terms of primary custody, might be a little too much to ask for. There may also be an unspoken fear that, over time, they will see the kids less often, especially if you have a new relationship sometime in the future.

Good luck, always have a back-up plan.

I think you will find it's what is known as Wicca. It's a pagan type belief system and leans heavily into things like nature worship and druidism. I expect some fundamentalist-type Christian groups would call it witchcraft, evil, devil-worship, etc. I think that's an oversimplification, but I can see how she might be worried about how others in her family might react. It is possible that she feels more free to express her sexual orientation by embracing Wiccan ideas.

Her lack of responsibility towards you and your children, and the financial mismanagement is a personal failing.