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General Discussion » The other woman » Today 7:11 pm

Kel
Replies: 25

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My ex gay dh wasn't "manly", but he was raised by a single mom.  He barely knew how to turn a screwdriver, much less do anything that a dad would have taught him.  So I didn't think this odd.  He was very into his home - keeping it clean, having it nicely decorated, even cooking.  But when I dissect this, it doesn't make him gay.  My current husband is very much into our home too.  Many a great chef are male.  My current husband is more masculine than my ex in that he loves cars and golf.  But heck, many women like those things, too.  My ex could be particular about his physical appearance, but not in unusual ways - he just liked certain clothes from certain stores, and had a specific style.  But it wasn't gay.  It was more...... 90's.  Lol.

The only part of him that really bugged me was our intimate life.  It was...... off.  He didn't pursue me, and pushed me off when I made advances.  He didn't look at me during lovemaking.  He wasn't very adventurous in the bedroom.  He seemed not to notice me unless he was complimenting my outfit of my blue eyes.

So no,..... nothing was a sign that he was gay.  When I revealed it to my family and friends, many of them said, "What???".  Others said, "I had a feeling".  But they never did give examples as to what those feelings were born out of.  He certainly didn't dress gay, or act gay, or talk gay.  He still doesn't.  No dead giveaways.

It wasn't difficult to live with a man who cooked and cleaned and dressed nicely and helped with the kids.  It was difficult to feel invisible - as though he had desires, and I wasn't it.  It was difficult that my happiness (or lack thereof) didn't seem to matter.  It was intolerable to go on living in that scenario when I knew it wasn't going to change, and me making a choice to stay meant me choosing to stay unhappy.

As for financial security, maybe I'm not getting that as much because well, frankly, I've never had any anyway.  I have a home and a vehicle and all

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » Today 7:11 pm

Lburros
Replies: 894

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Sean, I posted most of my story under this forum as a new topic and haven't gotten any responses. Should I post it somewhere else?

I also stated in the beginning of my post that I have a question for "straight married men".

Thank you.

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » Today 7:09 pm

Lburros
Replies: 894

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How do I contact someone, like Duped or OOTC? Private message?

General Discussion » The other woman » Today 6:52 pm

Hope 4 ever
Replies: 25

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Duped, you may be right about the trannys.  Another lesson I have just learned. 

General Discussion » The other woman » Today 4:39 pm

Duped
Replies: 25

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I consider a CD to be way more “off” than gay. Gay is a sexual preference, CD is a psychological aberration. Plus remember that CDs generally fantasise about penises. Are these “prostitutes” women or are they trannys? If you think you’re seeing photis of women they may well have a penis.

General Discussion » The other woman » Today 4:13 pm

Hope4,
  My husband is actually three years younger than I am.  He's never been a "man's man."   Nor has he been effeminate, either.   
   As you will no doubt discover if your husband ever does have surgery to approximate the appearance of a woman (no one can actually change their sex, desptie the phrase "sex change"), lots of people will ask you whether you ever "knew" because "something" must have been "a little off."  And you won't like it much, having it suggested that you should have known.  
  

Is He/She Gay » A gay ex-husband answers your questions » Today 4:01 pm

Sean
Replies: 894

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Thank you for sharing LP and Duped. I'm glad you posted Duped and hope that LP will contact both you and Out of his closet (OOHC) for guidance. There are similarities in your stories.

LP wrote:

​1. Just to clarify, not sure if it really matters, but I have never had intercourse or even touched another man, and my husband has never asked me to.

Understood.

2. In our threesomes, I may give my husband and the other guy a striptease lap dance which leads to both men playing and sucking my boobs at the same time. I always pay attention to my husband while the other guy is fondling/playing with me. Until eventually we ask the other guy to leave and me and my husband have sex. Which is always amazing.


Far be it from me, a gay man, to criticize any of this. My motto: if you're really enjoying it; you've given your consent; and you're safe then have at it! 

3. When I did ask my husband what about the whole thing he enjoyed, he explained it as being a "macho/ego" thing of the other person can touch a little but I only have sex with my husband, and the other guy "can't have me". Call me crazy but I love the attention.

​You're not crazy at all. You're consenting adults. I'll leave it to my fellow members to determine what this means about your husband.
 
[color=#000000]4. I am getting a test today and just taking things day by day.

Good for you. Please also ensure that you practice safe sex with your husband. If he asks why, tell him the truth but in a way that he understands it: "I think you're having sex outside of our marriage." This doesn't have to be a confrontation. You can text, email, or write to him. But make sure you do it in a safe and secure way. 

5. I am keeping my guard up and will pay more attention to certain things. Thanks again for all your sweet words of encouragement and support.

​Thank you for having the courage to share your story here.

Strategies for MOM's » Anyone have experiences with staying together? » Today 4:00 pm

Ellexoh
Replies: 18

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Doingmybest...it's monogamy or nothing for me. At this time there are no deals to be made, no sexual compromises to be made either.
I realise the journey may change my current opinion, life is ever-changing after all...but I think I would rather be alone and let my partner fulfill his desires than feel like I'm the lesser  part of an unwanted r'ship.

General Discussion » The other woman » Today 3:35 pm

Hope 4 ever
Replies: 25

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Kel
​Another thought.  Your ex was gay mine is a CD.  I have no experience living with gay but I do think it is different.  To the outside world my husband is a man's man.  He and his buddies shoot, hunt, golf and I mean all over the world.  He is not one to look in the mirror, as a man, to check out his appearance. His manly priorities are cleaning his guns & sitting with the guys drinking a single malt.

​His problem is when he is not occupied enough, mostly late at night, the porn starts up.

​So maybe a gay husband can be the same, like I said I have no experience with gay.  But when I do meet one they just seem very feminine. Did you not notice when you where married to him that something was a little off?

General Discussion » The other woman » Today 3:22 pm

Hope 4 ever
Replies: 25

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Outofhiscloset,

​If you're 64, I'm assuming that he is older.  My husband is 72.  What the heck makes them think that at this age going through a sex change will make them happy.  To me it's like some people getting a face lift & thinking their life will be wonderful, but nothing changes.  And let's not forget the cost and opening up to his family (i.e. Children, siblings) and friends.  Also from what I can gather they have to go through years of therapy  before the operation. My god, they will be ready for the nursing home. LOL

​I did ask my husband if he was still thinking about a sex change.  He said no, not at this age.  If he was going to do it, it would have been many years earlier.  I have no fear for the sex change I just cannot stand the imitate talks with what I call prostitutes.

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