OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Looking Forward: Slaying The Dragon Within Us

**Posted by iamthelorax** May 19, 2017 10:29 am

Hi Everyone,

Was watching a video called "Slaying The Dragon Within Us" and I found it to be very interesting and brought on an epiphany about myself and how I dealt with TGT that occurred in my life. The biggest take-away for me was the idea that the longer you allow a problem to exist without acknowledging it, the worse off it is for you. The problem not only gets bigger, you're in a worse position to handle it.

I totally see myself in that. How long did I excuse bad behavior from her? How long did I excuse signs that something was wrong? How drained was I by the time she told me she was leaving? I was emotionally destroyed and instead of acknowledging that she was a bad person in my life, I stuck my head in the ground and spent 2 years trying to save my marriage. What did that do to me? Depressed me and screwed with my head.

Very interesting to consider that a key to happiness is to acknowledge and confront problems.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGIU0FtXr9o&t=167s

Edit by phoenix: Here is another link shared by iamthelorax of the same presenter.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq5NDWyjh-g

Last edited by phoenix (June 20, 2017 5:07 pm)

**Posted by Duped** May 19, 2017 11:29 am

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Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 2:53 pm)

**Posted by Still Wondering** May 19, 2017 12:36 pm

Thanks Lorax, I will check that out.

Great information Duped! Everyone needs to apply that to their life even outside of the gay thing. That's exactly how it happened to me and not just with my GID ex but lots of situations in life. It' s the tiny pieces of information that I feel are sometimes the most dangerous because they are easy to swallow. Giant red flags are easy to pick off but small bits of things??? Those creep up on you just like you explained and suddenly you think: how in the holy hell did I get here??

**Posted by Bec** May 19, 2017 1:56 pm

This is so true!! I'm awful at confrontation. AWFUL!!. Then I blame myself because I didn't deal with it strongly enough. It's as bad as giving him permission. Now I question if I tried hard enough and have to remind myself it's not just a porn addiction. He was watching men Masturbate!!.

**Posted by Duped** May 19, 2017 2:03 pm

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Last edited by Duped (November 11, 2019 2:52 pm)

**Posted by Foolme** May 19, 2017 6:27 pm

Bec here's your sister re confrontation, I confront someone IN MY HEAD and I'm brilliant at it, I get all my points across but when it comes to words coming out, NOTHING or so lame that it wasn't worth it. I think receiving attack is the best form of defence anytime I did bring stuff up put me off bothering. The attack part threw me, it was always so off the wall it knocked me off track and I'd end up saying wait what! Of course I now see it as the ploy that it was to manipulate me and control the situation. But his whole family are like this, that's why I only saw it as that's the way they are and not the manipulative narcissism.

**Posted by Bec** May 19, 2017 8:04 pm

Exactly Foolme!. I'm brilliant in my head. I play it over and Over and over again. Then I speak and he totally throws me off, makes me feel stupid for even suggesting there was a problem.

**Posted by Demons-halo** May 20, 2017 8:14 pm

I am the same way. Map out the conversation. These are the I have to say. Go in feeling confident ready for anything she might say. Come out wrecked with my tail between my legs. Never fails.

**Posted by Rob** May 21, 2017 6:12 am

Demons-halo wrote:
I am the same way. Map out the conversation. These are the I have to say. Go in feeling confident ready for anything she might say. Come out wrecked with my tail between my legs. Never fails.

Sure me too..I usually stood mouth agape in shock as horrible words were thrown at me leaving me speechless.

I see it as narcissism now... we end apologizing for getting in the way of their fist when they hit us (so to speak). Usually because they say things with such conviction we think they are true.
But I'm not sure who my ex blamed for her multiple speeding tickets..me? The policman? The world?

I see this as god getting me away from someone that does not deserve my empathy and fierce love. There is nothing I can do..no way to get through...they become beyond our help or love.

**Posted by Shari** May 21, 2017 10:25 pm

Last night, during a conversation which should have left room for disclosure, or at least some clarity on some marital issues...I was told that he sees me as cunning. Cunning?? This comes from a man who openly tells me that he lies to me about most everything. And I'm cunning. The whole turn everything back on the other person is obviously something that happens to a lot of us.
Thelorax, I haven't watched the link yet but I seriously need it so thank you for sharing!!