Rob wrote:

Discretely build your team.  He is not on your team anymore.

Pretty sure he's been playing for the other team for a while. 

Funny thing is I found myself questioning if he was with a woman.  He has been texting this woman he used to work with daily.  I saw her interact with him once and she definitely likes him.  Who knows?  Maybe I'm giving him too much credit here. Ha

I don't know... she seems very nice and honestly I wouldn't mind if he was with her but she would not fit into his family.  They are very judgmental and closed and she just wouldn't fit.  I barely do!!!  Maybe he doesn't care.
I'm not sure he was even with her but she lives 10 min away and I know her marriage is bad.  I'd teeter back to the Hetero suspicion side more if I hadn't found that anal vibrator and lube tube.

Hi Lisa,

What is your current position on what to do about your relationship?  Have you decided that you're done?  If so, where in that process are you?  Do you have some idea of a plan that you're moving on?  Have you begun to execute on that in any way?

I ask this because I personally wasn't done snooping until I decided I was DONE with the marriage and had conveyed that to my ex.  After that time, it didn't matter what he did or didn't do - nothing he could have done in a positive way could save it, and nothing he did in a negative way did anything but make me more sure of my position on the divorce.  Until you get to that point, what you're doing by snooping is trying to uncover evidence so that you can be informed and make a decision on what to do.  After you've done that, you may not care nearly as much about what he's doing as you will about getting to the end of the separation.

Now, it's entirely possible that you'll continue to be hurt by what he's doing until after you separate.  Until then, you will feel at least somewhat still connected to him, and entitled to his honesty and faithfulness.  So I'm not saying that you won't be hurt by what you find.  A lot of people also need to keep proving freshly to themselves that they're on the right path - hence continuing to gather info to confirm their decision.  But overall, you begin not to care as much because, well, you're.... done.

If you feel as thought your snooping it consuming too much of your time and energy, then you will need to scale it back to the point where it doesn't become obsessive.  But do realize that you have already confirmed there's a problem, whether he's actively cheating on you or not.  You're not happy, he's incapable or unwilling to make the necessary changes to keep you happy, and he's not being honest with you.  You don't need more than that, hon.  You don't need "proof", even though by anyone's standards, you've got plenty.  At some point you will need to decide that you're reached critical mass and any more is just another straw on the camel with the already-broken back.

I wish you the best -

Kel

Okay so the insane part of me checked the condom bag. The missing one is back. My friend thinks he's messing with me but I don't know that he knows I've found his treasures.