OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Reffering to people by their sexuality

**Posted by Kel** July 11, 2016 9:32 am

The word "lesbian" is not inherently misogynist - they use it to describe themselves. The definition of the word lesbian is "homosexual woman". It's not a derogatory term, or slang. Maybe you'd feel the same way if instead of describing our exes as gay, we were describing them as "a gay"? Like it's a thing instead of a person? Regardless, the word in and of itself is not misogynistic - for some reason you are thinking that it is, which is why it's offending you that someone would use it as a descriptor.

I think it's completely acceptable to describe one's ex as a lesbian on a straight spouse board. The term lezex is just short for lesbian ex. They are two factual words, with one shortened for the sake of quicker typing/reading. I see absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever. It's not the same as describing our exes as "homoex", which is what I think you're likening it to. Homo is a slang, derogatory term, whereas lesbian is not.

Kel

**Posted by Sunnie** July 11, 2016 11:02 am

"It's not the same as describing our exes as "homoex", which is what I think you're likening it to."

It seems very much the same actually.

**Posted by Sam (Admin)** July 12, 2016 11:25 am

In the 16 years I have been involved with the Straight Spouse Network, I've seen too many cases where the gay spouse uses their newly embraced orientation as a license to behave badly toward the person who's life they have just devastated. This is by no means universal, but it appears to be the case with Rob. It was somewhat the case with me, although not to that extent, my ex was a lot more subtle. IMHO, if being a lesbian is the excuse Rob's ex is using, then his label for her is appropriate. I don't see it as a slur against all lesbians. (see disclaimer at the top of the page).

**Posted by Rob** July 12, 2016 2:46 pm

I'd love to use a different name.. I don't know what to call her..

**Posted by Sunnie** July 12, 2016 3:20 pm

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/lez?s=t=50pxlez or lezzie[lez] Spell Syllables

Word Origin

=20pxnoun, =20pxplural lezzes. Slang: Extremely Disparaging and Offensive.1.a contemptuous term used to refer to a lesbian.

**Posted by Rob** July 12, 2016 4:34 pm

Contemptuous... you bet. I can have contempt.

Should I call her my lovely ex-wife who likes to be with woman rather than men? What word am I supposed to call her?

Last edited by Rob (July 12, 2016 4:39 pm)

**Posted by Sunnie** July 12, 2016 5:32 pm

Rob, I share your contempt for her actions, choices, cruelty, bullying, poor role modelling, selfishness and damaging behaviour.

In response to your questions re what to call her here’s some ideas to get you started using words mentioned within this thread…

abusive ex? abuser ex? cruel ex? demon ex? devil ex? ex? GIDX? hater ex? horrific ex? lesbian ex? shit head? tormentor ex? X?

Sorry to hear that you’re still not rid of your tormentor, could you go back to the lawyer to organize a letter/notice to have her evicted by a certain date? Or contact the police? Or search for a domestic abuse agency to seek advice on how to handle this problem? They can be a huge source of support, have a lot of knowledge on various personas abusers use to manipulate us, and expertise regarding strategies for recovery and empowerment.

Wishing you all the best.

**Posted by Kel** July 12, 2016 9:53 pm

Most of us females refer to our exes as gay ex, or GIDXH, etc. I suppose it could work the same with a ex wife - only the last letter would be a W.

Kel

**Posted by Rob** July 12, 2016 11:35 pm

Abusive gay ex or lesbian ex seem to fit the bill.

Tormentor..evil..all fit the bill.

In response to getting her out..yeah for more money to my lawyer it may be worth it to start acting legally.. if she stays past this month. I'm a bit down on the lawyer for getting me into this predicament though..I don't want to spend more money to get out of it.
Ie. You want a divorce ok that will be $$$. Oh you want to be divorced and not live with her..that will be an extra $$.

**Posted by WendiT** July 13, 2016 2:02 pm

My gay friends (male and female) refer to each other in a mood-boggling array of nick-names and classifications. Most of them are extremely creative, irreverent and funny and yes, some could be offensive. I hate PC. Read the history of it; its origins and purpose are scary. But I do believe in being polite. God bless Emily Post.

Rob, I hope this focus on what you call your soon-to-be-X does not stifle or chill your expression here. This site is one of few places that us Str8s can come to vent, express (anger, sadness, depression, resolve and happiness), seek advice, and be understood. Based on your story there are a heck of a lot more worse things you could call your X than "Lezex" in my opinion. And I remember your first post like it was yesterday; I know your story. I cannot wait until the day I open my browser to this site and read that your X has finally moved out. Your real healing will begin on that day. I have thought of starting a new thread entitled: "Name Rob's Lez Ex" but I was not sure how you would take it and decided to just suggest it to you instead. I know we have some wildly funny and creative people here. It could be fun and humor has a beautiful way of soothing our souls. My X took everything from me, but my kids and my sense of humor. Sometimes ya just gotta laugh about it all.