Sunflower, in discussing all the things you've now got to think about and know how to find out how to do and then learn to do you have hit on an aspect of separation/divorce that I, too, have been struggling with. Although my husband pretty much offloaded onto me all outdoor and home maintenance chores to me, there are things he's done over the years that I don't know how to do, and that I don't know how to do them has been a factor in keeping me in the marriage longer than I'd like. He has taken care of the tech side of things, for example, and although early in the marriage I managed the money, he took that over. I've been afraid, for example, that I wouldn't have enough money (even though I have a good job and my own pension and savings in my name), and that I'd never be able to fix the tech issues when they (inevitably) arise. I decided recently to combat my fears (and my lack of skills) head on, though, because I encountered the idea of "learned helplessness." I think that concept describes my situation with respect to both these facets of life, and once I could see that I wasn't incapable of doing these things, or learning how to do and think about them, I felt much less fear and much more competent.
For me, money issues are paramount, because all of us who divorce at our stage of life have much less time to build up our finances, and we are looking at a retirement that is much less financially secure or comfortable than what we'd planned on.
Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 19, 2017 1:46 pm)
Sunflower wrote: