OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Reffering to people by their sexuality

**Posted by Sunnie** July 9, 2016 2:53 am

I'd like to respectfully suggest that terms such as "lezex" could be replaced with just "ex"? Something within me recoils every time I hear people labelled/defined by their sexuality especially in print in such a public setting as this board.

As a sister, niece, mother, and friend of women who are lesbians I couldn't imagine referring to them as "lezsister, lezaunt, lezdaughter, lezfriend". It seems derogatory.

It’s not the sexuality of our exes that’s the problem, rather the lies, deception, betrayal, disregard, behavior etc they chose to subject us to. I suggest it would be healthier to make that distinction and bear in mind our daughters, sisters, nieces and other women are women, not lez-anythings.

Thank you for reading, I hope you'll give this idea your consideration.

**Posted by Rob** July 9, 2016 4:47 am

I'm sorry but ex gives her too much credit. I don't know what to call her. Shes not my wife anymore.
But she's also still living in my home telling me to die and saying she will not leave until she can take the kids with her..the kids belong to her. So she's like a ghost or demon I keep in my closet and try to keep secret.. I go out in the world among people but come home to this cruel creature.

So she's not really my ex either..an ex wife implies one is divorced and one has a life that is seperate in someway from ones previous wife.. we're not divorced in reality..everything is still EXACTLY the same ...my lawyer messed up. Sure on paper were divorced but that has not helped me..she is much more horrible than just an ex wife living in the same house...divorced but not seperated does not seem accurate..it is much more horrible.

So yeah its derogatory and mean to lesbians but its only thing i can think of to describe her here. But she's not my ex..she's my demon? Ghost? Abuser? I'm sure in the future I can call her my ex but not now...that's like calling the murderer of your kids your neighbor and friend because he technically lives next door and used to be those things.

Help me out.. what do I call her?
So on the site I should just put GIDX..again it's clinical for the site..but I feel that gives her too much credit..and does not accurately describe the horrific being she has become. I can use that on the site..but she's not my wife and she not my ex..I don't know what she is...

Last edited by Rob (July 9, 2016 5:07 am)

**Posted by Sunnie** July 9, 2016 5:55 am

Rob, believe me, I understand your train of thought.

Growing up, we gave an estranged family member of ours a nickname for excrement for the same sort of reasons you describe, I get your need to disempower her in your mind.

It's something to think about, and maybe even have a bit of fun with... Can you give an initial to work with? Or her most pathetic features as inspiration?! Would "Cruella" do?!

**Posted by Sue** July 9, 2016 1:56 pm

Sunnie,

By that same logic, using GIDH or any other term is labelling, because it refers to sexual identity, as well. We are not calling them FAGIDH, which stands for my elfing ahole GIDH, although most of us would like to.

Rob has a right to his anger. This person is his abuser and oppressor. If he wants to call her shit head, he has every right.

**Posted by Todd** July 9, 2016 2:39 pm

I really do think it's appropriate to use a term like lezex if you would like to on this forum. In general, it would be counterproductive to refer to someone by their sexuality, but sexuality is at the center of what we are talking about here.

I'm confident that Rob wouldn't regularly refer to people by their sexuality, but this seems like a safe place to express your emotions using what ever term seems to fit.

**Posted by Rob** July 9, 2016 3:01 pm

I honesty don't know what to call her..again just exwife gives her too much merit..

I know in her texts I read I'm referred to as ahole. Pure and absolute hatred of me..but I did nothing but love her.

I'm sure someday I can say she's my ex...but she's my demon ..my devil.

**Posted by a reader** July 9, 2016 6:04 pm

If you don't like it, don't read.

**Posted by Sue..( the old Sue)** July 9, 2016 7:13 pm

Funny sunny, you should come into a forum and tell people what to post/say in that forum that meets your rules?? This is a place for people to express themselves in whatever way that they feel necessary at any given moment.. considering what they are going through , living with a gay in denial spouse.! Do you understand! If you don't like ...it ..don't read it as others have said... it's called freedom of speech! Have a lovely evening.

**Posted by Rob** July 9, 2016 10:59 pm

Don't beat sunnie up guys.. I should probably think of another name. ..right now that describes her in my mind. Not to worry..in conversation with all but family and close friend I'm forced to use ex wife. If she wasn't so cruel..

**Posted by Sunnie** July 10, 2016 3:15 pm

I agree we all have a right to our anger, and I continue to celebrate this public forum as a place for people to express themselves in many ways. Freedom of speech is indeed a wonderful thing. So is integrity. The original post idea was a suggestion rather than an instruction. “Lezzer” and “lez” are terms that seem misogynistic to me, and derogatory to all lesbians. We say gay on the board rather than other disparaging terms for homosexuality. Why?

No thanks re the suggestions to not read the forum, I will of course continue to do so and enjoy the discussions, insight and reduced isolation. I’ve got my big girl panties on and can handle a few words not of my choosing lol. As ever, kudos and best wishes to you Rob, you are definitely NOT an asshole!!!