OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / How long do I wait????

**Posted by jd1376** December 8, 2016 10:46 am

Hello everyone, I am new to this. need some help. wife of 17 years, is in a relationship with a girl 22years younger. I don't understand this, and it sickens me. I am overwhelmed with anger resentment. my two children don't understand, and ask me questions I can't answer. I don't know how long I should wait before proceeding with divorce talks with her? she keeps putting it off, and I can't help getting more resentful with time. She led me on in the beginning saying it was just something she had had to experience, She said it couldn't go anywhere because of the age difference, well now she is hooked, and in love. I feel more alone now then ever, hard time dealing with basic daily routines. any help would be appreciated.
Also does anyone know of any real time chat lines I can meet similar people going through this? I need to carry on a conversation with someone other than my kids, that know what I'm feeling right now.
Thank You

Last edited by jd1376 (December 8, 2016 10:47 am)

**Posted by Kel** December 8, 2016 10:53 am

Hi jd,

If your wife were in love and in an ongoing relationship with a man instead, how would you proceed? You should proceed exactly the same way. The relationship is still being forsaken the same way - with another. The gay thing just adds an additional layer to the whole situation - it doesn't replace what the situation is about.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's terrible. I wish you well.

Kel

**Posted by Still Wondering** December 8, 2016 11:01 am

Hi JD. I'm sorry you find yourself here. How long has it been since she told you about being gay/started the relationship? How long you decide to wait is up to you. Depending on your state, there will be a waiting period before the divorce is final anyway, so you might as well get it started if that's the direction you want to head. Some states are 60 days and some (I've learned from this site) are up to a year! After that is over, it's up to you to file and finalize everything.

If you go to the home page of the straight spouse network, there's a link to see if there's a group that meets in person in your area. I didn't have any luck with one near me, but several on this board have groups in their city.

Hang in there. You're not alone.

**Posted by LC** December 8, 2016 1:34 pm

Hello JD1376,
Im in the same boat needing to talk (vent in real time). I've contacted SSN for a local group, still waiting for a phone call back. Try that, and until then keep coming here to read other peoples stories and to post. Day by day, keep your chin up. This is a crappy deal we are getting dealt.
May God Bless With Peace