OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Those in successful MOM long term: what worked, what didn't?

**Posted by Stickseason** May 18, 2025 1:34 pm

=14pxHi everyone, My husband of 20 yrs just disclosed to me in March that he's gay. We have not told our 13y and 15y sons yet. We're currently doing well together and trying to explore all possibilities for moving forward while remaining committed to being deeply involved parents and best friends. For those in successful MOMs, could you please share what has and hasn't worked in your marriages? We do not think open marriage is the solution for us, but struggle to imagine how to satisfy our intimate and sexual desires without either of us being with another man. We'd also appreciate stories/feedback about sharing TGT with our boys. We have listened to all relevant episodes of the podcast (Thanks Kristin and guests!) and those have really helped us get to where we are, but we're struggling with imagining what's possible if we stay together. Thank you.

**Posted by Alex1984** May 18, 2025 4:41 pm

Hi Stickseason,

You need to get in touch with CMaree and her MOR and More group. She's been married to her bi husband for 19 years and they stayed monogamous all that time.

My husband and I are 10 years together, 1.5 years post-disclosure; no cheating. We have tried opening up post-disclosure, but in practice also remain monogamous.

This forum tends to attract people with quite negative experiences. I don't think it's due to their partners' sexualities per se, but more due to them having other challenges (e.g. cheating, lying, narcissistic traits). This does, however, create a very negative picture overall, which is not the case for all MOMs.

As for sex life, some gay/straight couples found consulting a sex-therapist was very helpful. There are plenty of things you can do.

Here are some additional links that might help. Good luck!

Facebook grouos:
https://facebook.com/groups/morandmorecommunity/
https://facebook.com/groups/straightspousemom/

Podcasts:
https://youtu.be/ddEc_hyCXAI?si=QkwQGpuqHk2nTyHU
https://youtu.be/SRUYC3sJFqY?si=PQiMcw9BsQcVr1Kk

Amity Buxton's article:
https://doi.org/10.1300/J159v06n01_07

Last edited by Alex1984 (May 18, 2025 4:46 pm)

**Posted by Stickseason** May 18, 2025 8:41 pm

Thanks Alex1984, I'll try to find Cmaree and the group you mention. Appreciate you pointing me in a better direction. We've also been reading some Dutchman and Samantha posts. Did they ever write the MOM First Aid or how to guide? I know every story is different, but we're learning from each one of them.

**Posted by Alex1984** May 19, 2025 1:35 am

She posts here as CMaree23 and here's their website

https://www.morandmore.org/

We met them, when traveling in the US - loveliest people.

Also, feel free to dm me if you and/or you husband want to connect via a phone or a video call. My husband is happy to chat, too.

Last edited by Alex1984 (May 19, 2025 1:36 am)

**Posted by Stickseason** May 19, 2025 7:21 am

Alex1984, I really appreciate that offer. I'll talk with him about that tonight and let you know.

Found Cmaree's site and was really interested. Having trouble accessing deeper content. Not comfortable using FB since our boys do not know yet and so much is connected in our home to digital algorithms even with private browsing. Maybe we'll be able to access more as time goes on and we loop them in.

**Posted by Dutchman** June 12, 2025 8:46 am

Stickseason wrote:
We've also been reading some Dutchman and Samantha posts. Did they ever write the MOM First Aid or how to guide? I know every story is different, but we're learning from each one of them.

We tried to write some guidelines, but it felt too much like pressing a button A to achieve result B, while the reality is just too complicated.
However, we did create a website (in Dutch, but with an English option as well).

https://www.mixedorientationmarriage.com

Some of the content reflects what we already posted on the OurPath forum. But it's more elaborate concerning Samantha's experience through it (ie. how her thinking developed from disclosure, to the place we eventually came in our marriage). Feel free to send us a message or mail us,