Posted by Lostperson  April 20, 2025 6:10 am | #1 |
Last April I discovered by chance that my spouse of 8 years watches gay porn and after going through his email I found that he sent emails to people on Craigslist to meet then in 2018 and 2019 ,he also met and slept with someone before we got married and exposed me to syphilis when I was pregnant .I also found emails from him to a psychiatrist before marriage trying to covert him self to a straight man !
He claims that he never met anyone during marriage ...we had lots of disagreements,he claims to be religious and very much into his culture,his parents are very controlling and live next door to us while I drive 2 hours per day to work because they didn't like the town where I work so he decided to move all of us to where they like to live.
Fast forward I filed for divorce ,he signed giving me 75% custody of our kids, and I added in the settlement that he knows I will relocate for training .
Now I accepted a training position in another state and planning to move in the next couple of months.
I'm terrified he will try to prevent me from taking this job
He did that previously when we were married which resulted in me delaying my career dream for 5 years .
Now I'm struggling with a change in personal life a divorce, kids ,a change in career and location
I think I'm so scared occasionally I literally feel paralyzed while he goes to attend concerts .I have a psychiatrist but honestly i feel no one understands what I'm going through, especially when he starts mentioning that he purchased a gun and returned it.
I hope I can make this work
Last edited by Lostperson (April 20, 2025 6:12 am)
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Posted by freedmyself April 21, 2025 12:58 am | #2 |
Dear Lostperson,
GUN? Are you saying that he's threatened suicide, or that he is a threat to you?
If he is a threat to you, please talk to your divorce lawyer and get a restraining order, or if you're outside the US, whatever it is called that makes it illegal for him to contact you or be within a certain distance of you. Most divorce lawyers have seen this before and can give you some guidance around how to best keep yourself and your kids safe.
If he is suicidal, please discuss this with your psychiatrist to figure out what constitutes sufficient risk for you to alert the authorities, or call a member of his family who can deal with that instead of you.
This is a ton of very traumatic change in a short period of time. Seems that if you're concerned about custody and your relocation, it's time to ask your divorce attorney for some confirmation around what rights you have in your settlement. Even if you think you already know what it says, it's worth an hour or two of their time to have some peace of mind around the next chapter of your life.
Side note - a psychiatrist is a great resource if there are medications involved, but it seems to me the real heavy lifting of healing is done with a therapist - and your psychiatrist might be able to refer you to one. It's worth talking to two or three different therapists to find one who is a good fit for you - your comfort level with your therapist is the biggest contributing factor to success in therapy, not their degree.
Hang in there! I'm rooting for you.
